My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, Whats on TV?
I said, Dust.
And then the fight started
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming nniversary. She said, I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.
I bought her a set of scales.
And then the fight started
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my drivers licence to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, Unbutton your shirt. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me, and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability pension, too.
And then the fight started
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, Do you know her?
Yes, I sighed, Shes my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasnt been sober since.
My God! says my wife, who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?
And then the fight started
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
Ill have the strip steak, medium rare, please.
He said, Arent you worried about the mad cow?
Nah, she can order for herself.
And then the fight started
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.
The husband replies, Your eyesights damn near perfect.
And then the fight started..
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Fosters for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started.
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.
I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday
