Dear dogs and cats, the dishes with the paw marks are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my food dosent stake a claim to it, and nor do i find it aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not built by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. racing me to the bottom is not the object, tripping me dosent help because i fall faster than u can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. im sorry about that. Do u think i will continue to sleep on the sofa to ensure your comfort. However,dogs and cats can curl up into a ball when they sleep. Its not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other  end to maximise space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time ,"THERE IS NO SECRET EXIT FROM THE TOILET"! if by some miracle, i beat you there and manage to get the door shut, its not necessary to claw,whine,meow, to to turn the knob or get your paw under the the edge in an attempt to open the door i entered. Also, i have been using the toilet for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is "kiss me first" then go smell the other animals bum. I cannot stress this enough.
Finaly in fairness dear pets, i have posted the following message on the front door.

TO ALL NON PET LOVERS WHO LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) I live here u dont
(2) if u dont want there hair on your clothes
, stay of the funiture, thats why they call it "fur"- niture
(3) i like my pets a lot better than i like most people [ummm]
(4)to you,they are animals to me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy,walk on all fours and dont speak clearly.
(1)they eat less
(2) they dont ask for money
(3) are easy to train
(4) normaly come when called [cough cough]
(5)never ask to drive my car
(6)dont hang out with drug-smoking idiots  [now thats a fib]
(7}dont smoke or drink
(8)they dont want to wear your clothes
(9)dont have to buy the latest tv
(10)dont need a zillion dollars for college,  and

(11) IF THEY GET PREGNANT, YOU CAN '

        ""WAIT FOR IT""




     YABBA DABBA    "SELL THER CHILDREN"







PS  I CANT BELIEVE I POSTED THAT  HEHE