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This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day...

To make it Stand, You Wet it ! To make it Wet, You Suck it ! To make it Stiff, You Lick it ! To Get It In, You Push it! Damn!!!! Threading a Needle when you're AN OLD FART is a Bitch!!!!!

Something that I have noticed over the last few years is that places that sell fuel (Cant call them service stations anymore) do not put any detergent in the windscreen washing bucket , and I have had some real good blues over it with staff and bosses , ended up 1 day asking the lady boss if she uses derterg...

every where you look they pop up....its all Basil's fault Dave

Very disappointed in my favourite town in Australia. Taking the dog over there in March to test out her fishing skills and as we are towing the boat cant tow anything else. And a list a mile long of holiday houses and not one that allows pets. I know the caravan park does but im getting too old to spend a week...

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A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said : 'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.' 'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.' Bartender: 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.' Pirate: 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon...

Sorry everyone, a serious question! Well to me anyway. I have been fortunate enough to receive from Santa a UHF radio. It has been fitted and is working perfectly as far as I can tell. Now after reading the instruction book. I know something we don't do until we have to I was looking at the channel scannin...

Justin Lee 46 David Ave Manurewa Auckland 27th January 2004 New Zealand Police Infringement Bureau PO Box 9147 Wellington Good Morning, INFRINGEMENT NOTICE N3735700 Yesterday, I was presented with the above infringement notice (copy attached for your records) while returning home from the Par...

The main page story when you click on to expand the story, it doesn't go to the continuation of that story, it hasn't for the last two articles.

An elderly man and woman, both in their 70's, walk into a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?' The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?' The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice, that he agr...

This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion he finally bought a centipede, (100 legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box home, foun...

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when...

nope no way, I'm here and you ain't finding out where I is, tomorrow morning we will be at a strawberry farmlet just out of Cessnock! I think??? the lady of the house will be released from hospital at around tennish, left breast removed (cancer) and radical hysterectomy,(grapefruit size growth, ci...

This is interesting,and it goes to show we learn something new every day. Penguins Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Where do they go? Wonder no more! It is a well known fact the penguin is a very ritualistic bird. It lives an extremely...

CHEWING GUM! An Australian man was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him. The Australian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation. The American snapped his gum and said, 'You Aus...

When I'm an old lady, I'll live with each kid, And bring so much happiness...just as they did I want to pay back all the joy they've provided. Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so excited! (When I'm an old lady and live with my kids) I'll write on the wall with reds, whites and blues, And I'll bounce on th...

Best to all of you, keep the dream alive, and keep on doing what you dreamt to do, I'm hoping when I finally pull the plug and join you all with my wife Karen and my furr babies that we can all meet up somewhere. Stay safe and healthy people.

A woman brought a very limp duck to the veterinarian's office. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet duck Disco has passed away." The distressed o...

For the first time ever...as i was driving through a suburban street i felt a sense of lonliness....all the xmas lights in the houses, families together inside....does anyone else ever get that...the feeling went almost as soon as it came but i would hate for that feeling if i went on the road full tim...