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The officer...
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The officer...
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aussie_paul
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495
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A new priest...
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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.After the mass, he asked the Monsignor how he had done. The Monsignor replied, When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.Next Sunday the new p...
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396
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Comments
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12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on TV and radio.1.Ted Walsh- Horse Racing Commentator 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'2.New Zealand Rugby Commentator 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'3.Pat Glenn, weightlifti...
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rgren2
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717
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Who said...
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aussie_paul
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707
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Good deed done for the day..
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I was just in Coles at the checkout, and an old bloke in front was getting served.His bill came to $54.60, but when he counted out his change, he had just under $50.He didn't want me to help him, God bless him, but I insisted, and in no time we had all his shopping back on the shelves.
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Stolen from another site -
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Johnny's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma.After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant.Frantically, she asks the Doctor about her baby.The doctor replies, " Madam, you had twins....a boy and a girl. The babie...
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aussie_paul
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746
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Don't want any kids
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My wife and I decided last night that we dont want any kids.We will tell them later today!
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anolphart
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457
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A plan..
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aussie_paul
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538
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A plan.. OOPS have already posted it. :(
(Preview)
-- Edited by aussie_paul on Friday 2nd of June 2023 03:29:29 PM
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aussie_paul
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Should I Really Join Facebook? (Priceless)
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Read it all the way through! It's a good laugh! AND really quite true!!A good laugh for people in the over 70 group !!!When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music,takes videos, pictures and communicates with Fac...
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440
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In Court.....
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"So let me get this straight" the prosecutor says to the defendant. "You came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man". "That's correct" says the defendant. "Upon which" continues the prosecutor "you take out a pistol and shot your wife, killing her". "That's correct" says t...
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aussie_paul
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665
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Pet Python
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This blonde was selling her pet python on eBay. A bloke rang up and asked if it was big. She said "It's massive". He said "How many feet?" She said "None. It's a snake you idiot!"
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aussie_paul
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626
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Maths
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Mathematics: This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 years experience. It has an indisputable mathematical logic. This is a strictly ..... mathematical viewpoint... and it goes like this: What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those peo...
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Bobdown
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2
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596
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FOR THE RURAL COMMUNITY
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some things you just can't explainThe farmer says, "Some things you just can't explain.""So what happened that is so horrible?" the man asked.The farmer then decides to try an answer, "Well if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left...
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aussie_paul
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When you're a child...
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651
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Final Inspection
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The policeman stood and faced his God,Which must always come to pass.He hoped his shoes were shining.Just as brightly as his brass."Step forward now, policeman.How shall I deal with you?Have you always turned the other cheek?To My church have you been true?"The policeman squared his shoulders an...
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2
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940
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ONLY A GRANDMOTHER WOULD KNOW....
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A Cup of Tea made with cold water.One day my Grandma was out, and my Grandpa was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of my favourite toys.Grandpa was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of 'tea'...
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If at first...
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Golfer has an accident... 🙂
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A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him."I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!""Oh God no!" cries the man. "My golfing is over! Plea...
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