|
Watch out for the spaghetti
(Preview)
For several years a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage,he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would a...
|
Roostertales
|
0
|
1518
|
|
|
|
|
Late nite funnies
(Preview)
:They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken :99% of lawyers give the others a bad name :Inside every older person is a younger person wondering "what the hell happened" :A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory :If you think nobody cares try missing a couple of paym...
|
Roostertales
|
0
|
1586
|
|
|
|
|
spare parts
(Preview)
A little girl goes to her mother and asks "Mummy do birds have spare parts" The mother assures her that "no birds don't have spare parts." The little girl returns later and says "Mummy are you sure birds don't have spare parts" "Of course I...
|
rowdy
|
1
|
1674
|
|
|
|
|
Female compassion
(Preview)
A man was sitting on a blanket down on the beach he had no arms or legs 3 women came walking passed seen the poor bloke sitting all alone so first lady walks over and asks if she could give him a hug the bloke say y not, she hugs him gently. The second asks if he would mind if she kissed him, he says...
|
drongo & wendy
|
0
|
1390
|
|
|
|
|
Christmas
(Preview)
Dave06, My i take this time to wish you and every one on this fourm a MERRY CHRISTMAS A SAFE AND HAPPY NEW YEAR. Roamin.
|
ROAMIN
|
1
|
1477
|
|
|
|
|
Sunday morning Church bells
(Preview)
I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling... Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother rep...
|
Gary and Kerry
|
1
|
2059
|
|
|
|
|
uh oh - I belong to this brigade !
(Preview)
A different slant on an old theme. Gotta Be Over 40 to Understand! Mum used to cut chicken, slice eggs and spread butter on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't get food poisoning. My Mum used to defrost mince-meat on the kitchen sink AND I used to eat a bite raw somet...
|
Roostertales
|
8
|
1798
|
|
|
|
|
The dog that ran out of petrol
(Preview)
A little girl asks her mum, 'Mum, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?' Her mum replies 'No, because she is on heat.' 'What does that mean?' asked the child. 'Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage.' The little girl goes out to the garage and says, 'Dad, can I take Lulu for a walk around th...
|
Basil Faulty
|
0
|
1579
|
|
|
|
|
Did you have a Jellyfish bad day?
(Preview)
I just had to share this one:- This is even funnier when you realise it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister...
|
Cruising Granny
|
1
|
1807
|
|
|
|
|
OH LORD Funny but Naughty
(Preview)
When George Burns was 97 years old he was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey. Oprah asked,' Mr. Burns, how do you carry so much energy with you? You are always working and at your age I think that is remarkable.' Mr. Burns said, 'I just take good care of myself and enjoy what I do when I do it.' Oprah said, 'I u...
|
Xtrail51
|
0
|
1775
|
|
|
|
|
TWINS
(Preview)
Siamese twins walk into a pub in Brisbane and park themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the barman, 'Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip. I'm Joe, he's Jim, we'll have two XXXX Draught beers please' The barman, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the be...
|
Gary and Kerry
|
1
|
1566
|
|
|
|
|
Quote of the day
(Preview)
'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you g...
|
Gary and Kerry
|
0
|
1514
|
|
|
|
|
Fresh off the presss
(Preview)
> > > > > > > > An Asian woman goes in to her local NAB Branch and > begins exchanging her money. > > After the transaction is complete she asks the teller > 'Why it change, yesterday I get two hunat dollar for...
|
Roostertales
|
1
|
1702
|
|
|
|
|
I love a good Irish gag
(Preview)
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her Return, her Father cussed her. 'Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?' The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff.....
|
Roostertales
|
0
|
1469
|
|
|
|
|
one for the ladies !
(Preview)
In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament. Sir, she said 'You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.' He did what he needed to, and as he sa...
|
Roostertales
|
0
|
1523
|
|
|
|
|
One for the Kiwi's amongst us - economic's
(Preview)
SOCIALISMYou have 2 cows.You give one to your neighbour. COMMUNISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and sells you some milk.. NAZISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRATISMYou have 2 cows.The Sta...
|
Roostertales
|
2
|
1446
|
|
|
|
|
Bit of Fun
(Preview)
http://www.newsday.com/news/opinion/ny-walt-babyboomers-blurb,0,1036393.blurb
|
Gary and Kerry
|
0
|
1380
|
|
|
|
|
Poem by Pam Ayres
(Preview)
Oh, I Wish I'd Looked After Me Tits By Pam Ayres Oh, I wish I'd looked after me dear old knockers, Not flashed them to boys behind the school lockers, Or let them get fondled by randy old dockers, Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits. 'Cos now I'm much older and gravity's winning. It's Natu...
|
NannyMon
|
1
|
2401
|
|
|
|
|
Stages of Life
(Preview)
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats. 2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold an egg. 5...
|
Gary and Kerry
|
1
|
1515
|
|
|
|
|
Poms In the Outback ( Read at own Risk )
(Preview)
<!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"T...
|
Wombat 280
|
8
|
2377
|
|
|
