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Tickle Me Elmo
(Preview)
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.. Th...
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Firefly
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0
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739
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The Parrot
(Preview)
A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. "Why so little," she asked the pet store owner... The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prosti...
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Firefly
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0
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758
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Guido the Italian Lover
(Preview)
A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he ra...
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Basil Faulty
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0
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724
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Aunty Sharon
(Preview)
A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Ashley said, 'My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to mar...
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Firefly
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2
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914
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CELIBACY
(Preview)
While attending a Marriage Awareness Weekend, John and Mary listened to the instructor declare It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other. He addressed the men. Can you each name your wifes favorite flower? Robert leaned over, touched Marys arm gently a...
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Ma
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3
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987
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TIPS FOR SENIORS
(Preview)
Lovemaking tips for Seniors1. Wear your glasses. Make sure your partner is actually in the bed. 2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle. 3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!) 4. Make sure you put 000 on your speed dial before you begin. 5. Write partner's name on your ha...
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Ma
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1
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725
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Re. Is this true grey nomads are thieves?
(Preview)
There's a certain "Sporting" club that I know of where the membership demographic is a bit on the "pellicularly faded" and "folicularly challenged" side. The members are, at times, reluctant to admit to their advancing years and concomitant loss of 'youthful at...
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Rolly
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0
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683
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A CATTLE DOG STORY
(Preview)
Kevin Rudd called Julia Gillard into his office one day and said "Julia, I have a great idea! We are going to go all out to win the country voters". "Good idea Leader, how will we go about it"? said Julia. "Well", said Rudd, "we get ourselves one of those Driaza Bon...
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Gary and Kerry
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1
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896
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OOPS GRANNY!
(Preview)
Grandmas Don't Know Everything Little Tony had been playing outside with the other kids for a while. He came into the house and asked, 'Grandma, what's that thing called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?' She was a little taken aback, but she decided to just tell him th...
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Ma
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0
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8171
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THE LAWYER
(Preview)
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, 'Why are you eating grass?' 'We don't have any money for food,' the poor man replied. 'We have to eat gras...
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Ma
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0
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717
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solar panels
(Preview)
Hubby wants to know ....what brand of solar panels should he get to run 2 engel fridges, any why that particular brand. Can any one give him their opinion please.
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DellieMay
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1
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819
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FORGIVEN
(Preview)
Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, 'How many of you have forgiven your enemies?' 80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady. 'Mrs. Neely?'; 'Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?' I don't hav...
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Ma
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1
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775
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Swearing
(Preview)
Swearing A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. 'You know what?' says the 7 year old, 'I think it's about time westarted swearing.' The 4 year old nods his head in approval, so the 7 year old says, 'When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?' '...
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Firefly
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0
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704
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Fireman
(Preview)
A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, 'You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go. 'From now on when I say BELL 1 I want you to strip naked. Wh...
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Firefly
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1
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1030
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AAADD
(Preview)
AAADD KNOW THE SYMPTOMS.....PLEASE READ! Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder. Somehow I feel better,even though I have it!! Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests: I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose i...
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Firefly
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0
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941
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A Real Australian Outback Story
(Preview)
A Drover walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side. He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute. 'Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remo...
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Firefly
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1
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927
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Retired People
(Preview)
Well, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there forabout five minutes.When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said,'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'He ignored us and continued writing the ticket...
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Dragonfly
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0
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904
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CAP YA GIVE ME A PUSH
(Preview)
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock at the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3:30 in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he dr...
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Ma
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1
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1205
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Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods
(Preview)
Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Tiger turns to Stevie and says, 'How's the singing career going?' Stevie replies, 'Not too bad. How's the golf?' Woods replies, 'Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now.' Stevie says, 'I always find that when my s...
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Mike47
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0
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692
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LEATHER DRESSES
(Preview)
Did You Know This About Leather Dresses? Did you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally??? Ever wonder why? It's because she smells like a new Ute!
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Ma
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0
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841
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