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Retired People
(Preview)
Well, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there forabout five minutes.When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said,'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'He ignored us and continued writing the ticket...
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Dragonfly
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0
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863
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CAP YA GIVE ME A PUSH
(Preview)
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock at the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3:30 in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he dr...
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Ma
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1
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1150
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Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods
(Preview)
Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Tiger turns to Stevie and says, 'How's the singing career going?' Stevie replies, 'Not too bad. How's the golf?' Woods replies, 'Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now.' Stevie says, 'I always find that when my s...
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Mike47
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0
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645
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LEATHER DRESSES
(Preview)
Did You Know This About Leather Dresses? Did you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally??? Ever wonder why? It's because she smells like a new Ute!
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Ma
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0
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780
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TWO GARBAGE BAGS
(Preview)
A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, 'Ma'am, there ...
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Ma
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1
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854
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Jane and Arlene
(Preview)
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Arlene: What in the hell is that? Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. Arlene: Where did you ge...
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Firefly
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0
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788
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the pirate
(Preview)
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible. What do you mean? said the pirate, I feel fine. Bartender, What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before. Pirate, Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'...
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Cinnamon
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0
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652
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LET ME TELL YOU
(Preview)
An older,white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told thejeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000. ring. The old man said, 'No, I'd like to see something...
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Ma
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0
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831
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Where Did We Come From
(Preview)
A little girl asked her mother: 'How did the human race appear?'The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve,they had children, and so all mankind was made.'Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the humanrac...
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Firefly
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0
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788
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The Sensitive Man
(Preview)
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment. She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in thebedroom, with hundre...
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Ma
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0
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603
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prince charles on tour
(Preview)
prince charles was on tour in the remote regions of australia, upon arrival at Kalgoorlie he was inquired upon by the local mayor of his animal skin head wear his reply was "I said to Mummsy that we would be dropping in on Kalgoorlie, and she replied OHHhh!!! wear the fox hat!!"
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dave06
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2
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923
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Kiwi on a desert island
(Preview)
A New Zealander was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. Looking around, he realised they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to w...
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jimricho
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0
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1016
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Warning "Adult" content.....LOL
(Preview)
To make it stand, You wet it !To make it wet, You suck it !To make it stiff, You lick it !To get it in, You push it! Darn !!!!!!! Threading a needle when you're older is a BITCH!
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Ma
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0
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1184
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chilli
(Preview)
WARNING : ONLY Read This Once You Are Able To LAUGH OUT LOUD. Hysterics might set in. The writer of this piece paints a very vivid picture... funny stuff. You will laugh - guaranteed! ENJOY!! I went to Bunnings recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the pre...
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hammer
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0
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1163
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Moral Of The Story
(Preview)
A fellow walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 notes. He guesses there must be more than ten thousand pounds in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, 'What's with the money in the jar?' 'Well... you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, yo...
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Firefly
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0
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1068
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Jump For Health
(Preview)
A woman in her thirties is at home happily jumping unclothed, on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and asks, 'Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?' The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, 'I don't care what you think. I ju...
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Firefly
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0
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845
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not this time ranger!!!
(Preview)
One day Lone Ranger and his side kick Tonto were out riding when Lone Ranger had to take a wee. So Lone Ranger goes over to the bush pulls down his pants and then he screams. He runs over to Tonto and says, "Tonto I've been bitten by a snake on my penis go to town and ask the doctor what to do." So Tont...
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dave06
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0
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860
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Frozen Skunk
(Preview)
A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was, and she said to her husband, 'It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let i...
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Firefly
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1
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1298
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The meaning of service
(Preview)
I became confused when I heard the word "Service " used with these agencies: Internal Revenue 'Service' Australian. . Postal 'Service' Telephone 'Service' TV 'Service' Civil 'Service' State, City, Council & Public 'Service' Customer 'Service' This is not what I thought...
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jimricho
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3
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1065
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Dr Tim Says- What do you Reckon?
(Preview)
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise.Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer;that's like saying you can extend th...
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Dawn
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1
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977
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