|
dont read if you are easily offended or have the mindset of a twelve year old
(Preview)
this was sent to me by a lovely lady whom shall remain nameless, but it is too funny to leave it out Magic Sandals A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica . They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeep...
|
dave06
|
9
|
1314
|
|
|
|
|
The honeymoon
(Preview)
THE WEDDING NIGHT Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if F...
|
Roostertales
|
1
|
1129
|
|
|
|
|
WHY MEN DON'T WRITE ADVICE COLUMNS
(Preview)
Subject: FW: WHY MEN DON'T WRITE ADVICE COLUMNS Dear Robert, I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than 5 miles down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back hom...
|
Xtrail51
|
6
|
1279
|
|
|
|
|
Motor Vehicle (and Motorhome) Repairs
(Preview)
Always remember, If you can't fix it with a hammer, the problem is electrical.
|
Mike47
|
1
|
1178
|
|
|
|
|
You Have to Love Little Johnny
(Preview)
Kevin Rudd was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words andtheir meanings. The teacher asked Kevin, the saviour of 'working families', if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy'. So Kevin (the saviour of 'wo...
|
Wombat 280
|
2
|
1154
|
|
|
|
|
That was a stuff up. $1.99 special Trying again. Looks like it worked properly this time.
(Preview)
The $1.99 Special We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.' 'Then, I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte,' the wa...
|
Xtrail51
|
0
|
1041
|
|
|
|
|
$1.99 Special.........
(Preview)
.ExternalClass EC_UNKNOWN {font-family:Verdana;panose-1:2 11 6 4 3 5 4 4 2 4;} .ExternalClass #EC_yiv264321721 #EC_yiv264321721 P.EC_MsoNormal {font-size:12pt;font-family:'Times New Roman';} .ExternalClass #EC_yiv264321721 LI.EC_MsoNormal {font-size:12pt;font-family:'Time...
|
Xtrail51
|
0
|
797
|
|
|
|
|
no Racial police please
(Preview)
An O'irish Story. An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems.... "Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot." So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. "Incredible"he says, "there is a £20 note lodged up here.&q...
|
mike and Judy
|
2
|
967
|
|
|
|
|
They Walk Among Us
(Preview)
They Walk among us!! Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decide...
|
Wombat 280
|
2
|
1368
|
|
|
|
|
our younger ones - up to no good
(Preview)
A little boy blows up his balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something. The boy continues. "Johnny!" mom screams. "Knock it off. You're going to break something." He stops and eventually mo...
|
twobob
|
2
|
1064
|
|
|
|
|
Walking the Dog
(Preview)
|
Wombat 280
|
1
|
1257
|
|
|
|
|
Sad But True
(Preview)
Oil Change instructions for Women: 1) Drive into Ultra Tune when the odometer reaches 10,000 kilometres since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee, read free paper. 3) 15 minutes later, write a cheque and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. MONEY SPENT: Oil Change: $40.00 Coffee: $2.0...
|
Wombat 280
|
3
|
1322
|
|
|
|
|
S-S-S-STUTTERERS
(Preview)
[say it out loud for best effect] Bill and his friend Bob, who suffered from a severe stutter were walking along a beach fronton a lovely sunny day. Bob said to Bill "D-d-d-did y-y-y-y-you s-s-s-s-see th-th-that?" "Did I see what," replied Bill. Th-th-that b-b-b-b-beautifu...
|
Mike47
|
0
|
1136
|
|
|
|
|
Masters In English
(Preview)
For those who hold a Masters in English here is something to ponder. <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:&q...
|
Wombat 280
|
0
|
1023
|
|
|
|
|
Life
(Preview)
One day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of 20 years," The dog said: "Thats a long time to be barking. How about only 10 years and I"ll give you back 10?" So God a...
|
jandas fun
|
2
|
1225
|
|
|
|
|
got caught fishing
(Preview)
Saturday morning I got up early, put on my jeans, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the rig, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was hail mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 km. I pulled back into the g...
|
twobob
|
0
|
1093
|
|
|
|
|
Fuel prices
(Preview)
A lot of people can't understand how we came to have an OIL shortage in our country. Well, there's actually a simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the OIL. We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely GEOGRAPHICAL. Our OIL is located in, Bass Straight, East Queensland Shale...
|
twobob
|
0
|
1000
|
|
|
|
|
Another Senior moment - gotta love em
(Preview)
It's not easy being old AND dyslexic... only yesterday I got my Viagra mixed up with my sleeping pills and ended up having forty w a n k s!!! -- Edited by twobob at 12:55, 2009-02-01
|
twobob
|
3
|
1021
|
|
|
|
|
Card Carrying Won't Help
(Preview)
A Department of Water representative stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer, 'I need to inspect your farm for your water allocation.' The old farmer said, 'OK, but don't go in that field over there.' The water representative said, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federa...
|
Wombat 280
|
0
|
907
|
|
|
|
|
British weather...
(Preview)
In deference to The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness, it was announced today that the local climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as 'British Weather.' Rather than offend a sizable portion of the population, it will now be referred to as 'Muslim...
|
Basil Faulty
|
3
|
1212
|
|
|
