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Mrs Tiptree
(Preview)
A 75 Year Old Lady rings her local NHS hospital and this conversation follows: 'Hello I'd like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree. She was admitted last week with chest pains and I just want to know if her condition has deteriorated, stabilised or improved?' 'Do you know which ward she is in?...
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jimricho
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0
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916
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Planning permission.
(Preview)
Having failed to sell our house last year, we have decided to stay put for a while but have it extended to enhance its value.We therefore applied for planning permission for a major extension that would make the house 100ft tall and 400ft wide with nine turrets at various heights complete with wi...
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Palebushman
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0
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804
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If My Body Were A Car......
(Preview)
If My Body Were a Car This is just too funny - scary how true it is!! IF MY BODY WERE A CAR... If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ... But that's not the worst of i...
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Firefly
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0
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913
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HILLBILLY DIVORCE
(Preview)
A hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to a lawyer. The lawyer said, 'How can I help you?' The farmer said, 'I want to get one of them dayvorces.' The lawyer said, 'Do you have any grounds?' The farmer said, 'Yes, I got 40 acres' The lawyer said, 'No, No, you don't understand, Do you have...
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Palebushman
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0
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1085
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balloon
(Preview)
A little boy blows up his balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something.The boy continues. "Johnny!" mom screams. "Knock it off. You're going to break something." He stops and eventually mo...
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twobob
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0
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542
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Nag, Nag, Nag.
(Preview)
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting ho...
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Firefly
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0
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890
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How To Tell The Sex Of A Fly.
(Preview)
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter 'What are you doing?' She asked. 'Hunting Flies' He responded. 'Oh. ! Killing any?' She asked. 'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied. Intrigued, she asked. 'How can you tell them apart?' He responded, '3 were on a bee...
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Firefly
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0
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566
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Words of Wisdom, Not So Much A Joke
(Preview)
One evening an old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a battle that was going on inside himself. He said, "My boy, the fight is between two wolves." That certainly got the boy's attention. "One is evil," the old man continued. "Anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, ar...
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Firefly
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0
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744
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Asylum
(Preview)
Good Day and welcome to a brand new edition of : 'ASYLUM'. Today's program features another chance to take part in our exciting competition: Hop on a boat And win A FREE HOUSE! We've already given away hundreds of millions of dollars and thousands of dream homes, courtesy of our sponsor, The Austral...
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twobob
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4
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1142
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He Said To Me!
(Preview)
He Said To Me! He said to me . ... . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it I said to him . ... . You wear pants don't you? He said to me . . ........ Shall we try swapping positions tonight? I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but...
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TRUE BLUE AUSIE
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0
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653
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Alcohol Labels Just Like Cigarettes
(Preview)
Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government's Suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all Varieties of alcohol containers: ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the he...
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jimricho
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2
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1046
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Alladin's Lamp
(Preview)
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jimricho
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1
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1110
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Rye Bread
(Preview)
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87 year old said "Well, I eat rye b...
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twobob
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1
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656
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I'm Broke
(Preview)
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. 'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.' 'Go awa...
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Firefly
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0
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848
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THE AFTER LIFE
(Preview)
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would
come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their
biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.
After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and
true to his word he made contact.
Mary. Mary.
Is that you, Fred?
Yes, Ive come back lik...
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Cruising Granny
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0
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716
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past it
(Preview)
I think you know when your getting old. I was watching porn the other night and found myself thinking " that bloody bed looks comfy "
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twobob
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0
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792
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grumpy
(Preview)
The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope. Grumpy leads the pack. 'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?' Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome ?' The Pope wrinkles his...
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twobob
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1
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866
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Two Little Old Ladies
(Preview)
Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall Where a flower show was in progress. The thin one leaned over and said, 'Life is so boring. We never have any fun any more. For $10 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!' 'You're on!' said the o...
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Firefly
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0
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920
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How To Stay Awake At Meetings
(Preview)
How To Stay Awake At Meetings This may help all you hard workers, dogged by meetings and seminars..........How to stay awake at meetings Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here's a way to change all of that. 1. Before (or during) you...
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jimricho
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0
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1721
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More Airline Stuff
(Preview)
P = The problem logged by the pilot. S = The solution logged by the mechanic. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid....
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Disco Duck
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0
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772
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