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MURDER AT WOOLWORTHS
(Preview)
So, here's the story. . . Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in anunhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problemsby taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the Beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed. A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch wi...
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sgntbilko
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4
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1283
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a bit crude but funny nonetheless
(Preview)
a lecturer was standing in front of a group of women trying to give a lecture on involuntary spasms within the human body having tried to gain the noisy and disruptive class time and time again with no success he finally cracked walking over to one of the noisier women in the front row he asked the questio...
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dave06
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0
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890
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A DAY AS A COPPER
(Preview)
Alocal policeman had just finished and was at home with his misses. You wont believe what happened this evening, in all my years in the force iv never seen anything like it. 'Yes dear what happened" I came accros two blokes down by the river, one was drinking battery acid and th...
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drongo & wendy
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0
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963
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Life in the Australian Army
(Preview)
.. Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (For Those of you not in the know, Eromanga is a small town, west of Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland ) Dear Mum & Dad, I am well. Hope you are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the station - te...
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mike and Judy
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2
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1172
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I.T. for new wives
(Preview)
INSTALLING A HUSBAND Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstall...
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Roostertales
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0
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962
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Flogging a dead 'orse
(Preview)
Flogging a dead horse Young Kevin, moved to Canberra and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.' Kevin replied, 'Well,then just give me my money back.' Th...
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Roostertales
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2
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1097
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Kiwi Joke
(Preview)
Question: What's a Hindu? Kiwi answer: Lay's iggs
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Mike47
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4
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1205
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Kiwi bashing
(Preview)
The Centrelink Office. A long - haired kiwi walked into the local Centrelink office to pick up his dole cheque. He marched straight up to the counter and said, 'Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing the dole. I'd really rather have a job.' The Centrelink girl behind the counter said, ' Your timing is exce...
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Roostertales
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1
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1490
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The Professer
(Preview)
A professer at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntry Muscular Contractions' to his first year students. Realising this was not the most riviting subject, the Professer decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young women in the front row and said, 'do u know what y...
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drongo & wendy
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2
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1073
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Retire Early to Avoid Policy Changes
(Preview)
DUE TO WORLD FINANCIAL CRISIS AND BUDGET CUTS, THIS IS YOUR NEW OFFICE EFFECTIVE APRIL 1, 2009 NEW OFFICE POLICY Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financia...
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Wombat 280
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0
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1222
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CREDIT CRUNCH
(Preview)
CREDIT CRUNCH.
Dear employees,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selecte...
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sgntbilko
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2
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1109
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THIS IS CLEVER
(Preview)
Someone out there is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one)! DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER
DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letter...
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sgntbilko
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1
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1080
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LIFE IN THE 1500's
(Preview)
LIFE IN THE 1500'S **
The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be.
Here are some facts about the 1500s:
Most people got married in June because they took their ye...
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sgntbilko
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1
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1194
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FLU SHOT
(Preview)
Better than a Flu Shot!
Miss Beatrice,
The church organist,
Was in her eighties
And had never been married.
She was admired for her sweetness
And kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor
Came to call on her and she showed him...
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sgntbilko
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1
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1194
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what starts with "F" and ends with a "k"
(Preview)
What Starts with F and ends with K? A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?' Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'msmarter than she is! I think I shouldbe in the 3rd gra...
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sgntbilko
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0
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1212
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Economic Stimulus package
(Preview)
Important Information on the Stimulus Payment This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format: "Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment? "A. It is money that the federal governme...
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Roostertales
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0
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909
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a short love story
(Preview)
A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper be...
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mike and Judy
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1
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1034
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The honeymoon
(Preview)
THE WEDDING NIGHT Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if F...
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Roostertales
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1
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1116
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Motor Vehicle (and Motorhome) Repairs
(Preview)
Always remember, If you can't fix it with a hammer, the problem is electrical.
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Mike47
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1
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1168
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That was a stuff up. $1.99 special Trying again. Looks like it worked properly this time.
(Preview)
The $1.99 Special We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.' 'Then, I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte,' the wa...
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Xtrail51
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0
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1033
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