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DEATHBED
(Preview)
An old Australian battler lies dying in his bed. He calls over Shirley, his faithful wife of 60 years, and says, "Shirl, when we started out, tried to buy a business in the depression, went bust: you were with me" "Oh, yes, Bruce", she says. Then the war started, I joined up, and wa...
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goinsoon
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1
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802
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EXPLANATION OF WORKSHOP TOOLS
(Preview)
Proper use of tools explained...from a safety perspective of course DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had care...
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goinsoon
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0
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1112
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TEENS
(Preview)
My teenage son just told me he shagged the neighbours daughter for the first time last night. "Well done son", I said, "I hope you used something for personal protection". "Yeah dad, a balaclava".
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goinsoon
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0
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775
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Simple and effective
(Preview)
A. Back off and let those men who want to marry men, marry men.
B.. Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women.
C. Allow those folks who want to abort their babies, abort their babies.
D.. In three generations, there will be no Greens.
I love it when a plan comes together
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tonyd
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2
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938
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AUSSIE CUSTOMS
(Preview)
- A Chinese man decides to move to Australia after 50 years of living in Shanghai. He buys a small piece of land near Mt Isa. A few days after moving in, the friendly Aussie neighbour decides to go across and Welcome the new guy to the region. He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chines...
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justcruisin01
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1
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954
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LEMON PICKER;
(Preview)
The woman applying for a job in a lemon orchard seemed to be far too qualified for the job; given her liberal arts degree from the Sydney University and her jobs as a social worker and school teacher. The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this: "Have you had any actual experience in p...
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justcruisin01
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3
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1027
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HOW DOES YOUR HUBBY COMPARE?
(Preview)
> > > > My wife and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night. > > > > > > "Did you smell that food? It smelt incredible!" she said. > > > > > > > > Being the nice guy I am, I thought "Damn it, I'll treat her!" > > >...
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justcruisin01
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0
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765
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TIP;
(Preview)
Always keep several get well cards onthe mantle.. So if unexpectedguests arrive, Theywill think you've been sick and unable to clean.
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justcruisin01
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1
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903
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$100.00
(Preview)
Larry gets home late one night and Linda, his wife, says "Where the hell have you been?" Larry replies "I was out getting a tattoo!" "A tattoo"? She frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?" "I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates" he said...
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jimbo
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1
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947
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MOTHER SUPERIOR!
(Preview)
Mother Superior was on her way to late morning prayers when she passed two novices just leaving early morning prayers on their way to classes. As she passed the young ladies, Mother Superior said, "Good morning ladies." The novices replied, "Good morning, Mother Superior, may Go...
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justcruisin01
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1
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954
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BANKING CRISIS;
(Preview)
Banking Crisis! If the global crisis continues at the present rate, by the end of this year only two banks will be left operational....the Blood Bank and the Sperm Bank! And before you know it, these two will merge, and the whole place will be full of bloody wankers.
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justcruisin01
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1
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799
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reading your rights
(Preview)
A female police officer arrests a man for drunk driving. She tells the man, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you." The drunk says, "Tits".
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justcruisin01
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0
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763
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A Collection of Smiles
(Preview)
Donation Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?' 'It is!' 'This is the Internal Revenue Service . Can you help us?' 'I can!' Do you know a Ted Houlihan?' 'I do!' 'Is he a member of your congregation?' 'He is!' 'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?' 'He will.' Senility An e...
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Cruising Granny
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1
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927
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Time Machine
(Preview)
Time machine Barak Obama and Julia Gillard are shown a time machine which can see 100 years into the future. They both decide to test it by asking a question each. Barak goes first. What will the USA be like in 100 years time? The machine whirs and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printou...
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jimbo
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0
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748
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Dr Nut Ting Wong
(Preview)
Dr Nut Ting Wong Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise Everything ... wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life ... of car b...
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sucastja
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0
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2091
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The bus and the zipper
(Preview)
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smil...
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sucastja
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1
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1106
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Dog
(Preview)
Gday... My dog chases people on a bicycle. It got so bad I had to take his bicycle away from him. (courtesy of Pam Ayers)
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rockylizard
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1
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1087
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Why Sharks Swim In Circles
(Preview)
Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a ship that had sunk. "Follow me son" the father shark said to his son and they swam to the survivors. "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.&quo...
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JRH
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0
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1042
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Old Rooster vs Stud Rooster
(Preview)
STUD ROOSTER A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, 'OK old fart, time for you to retire.' The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me Can't...
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sucastja
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0
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1221
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"Sayings"
(Preview)
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."**************************In a Podiatrist's office:"Time wounds all heels."****************************************************On a Plumber's truck:"We repair what your husband fixed.&q...
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DKay
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0
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1028
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