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Ramblings of a Retired Mind
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An email from a friend I just have to share - hope you laugh as much as I did.I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I seldom need one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener. I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have wh...
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nomadic1
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my 'big girl pants'
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Well , with 2012 just about here , looks like I will have to drop th 'drama queen' bitput on 'my' 'big girl pants' & get over it & on with it .Bring on 2012Richo
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Zoomtopz
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Found this ad
(Preview)
in a catalouge for our local shaver shop
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_wombat_
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Grammar
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Grammar On his 70th birthday a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man, who lived on a nearby reservation. He was rumoured to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to th...
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Going gone
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12 days of christmas, or Dear Nuala.
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src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/lbejNNCTr7k?rel=0" -- Edited by Rip and Rosie on Tuesday 20th of December 2011 10:33:27 AM
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Rip and Rosie
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How to Start the Day and Feel Really Good
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How to Start the Day and Feel Really GoodOpen a new file on your computer.Entitle it "Housework"Place it in the Recycle Bin.Empty the Recycle Bin.Your computer will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?"Answer "Yes" and click the left m...
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Tonyg
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Merry Christmas
(Preview)
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to one and all. Off to Queensland Boxing Day. Cheers, tony -- Edited by Tonyg on Sunday 25th of December 2011 12:22:08 AM
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Tonyg
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A Lady At The Bar ;
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A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.' The bartender says 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.' As the woma...
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justcruisin01
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Exercise
(Preview)
EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 40 This seems a little daunting to start with but if you apply yourself you may find that it's not as difficult as you think. Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-kg potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out...
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jimbo
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Merry Christmas
(Preview)
As you well know, I have been known to have had 'brushes with the authorities' in the past, especially on my way home from the odd boozy session over the years. Last night I was out for a few drinks with a couple of mates and had several bottles of wine followed by some cleansing ale. Realising that I...
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woody
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The Barber;
(Preview)
The BarberA guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.' The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?' The bar...
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justcruisin01
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My Christmas greeting to y"all - hope it works...
(Preview)
No sorry it didnt dammit -please ignore this post.... merry christmas - pete -- Edited by petengail on Tuesday 20th of December 2011 04:26:27 PM
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petengail
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Male v Female rules at the bank
(Preview)
A new sign in the Bank reads: 'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After mo...
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Rip and Rosie
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An Irish Pub Joke
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An Irish man has been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So your man stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up but again falls flat on his face. He...
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Tonyg
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Remember de days
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Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, Orders three pints of Guinness & sits in the corner of the room, Drinking a sip out of each pint in turn. When he had finished all three, He went back to the bar & ordered three more. The barman says, "You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it ...........
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Tonyg
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santa and the new iphone with siri
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=5qcmCUsw4EQ
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milo
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The ballarina
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A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar in Dublin, Ireland. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a woman a drink?" The bar went silent as the patrons tried t...
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jimbo
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Can I have my Licence back?
(Preview)
Australian Cattle Station Pilot G'day Mate, I am writing to you because I need your help to get me bloody pilot's licence back. You keep telling me you got all the right contacts. Well now's your chance to make something happen for me because, mate, I'm bloody desperate. But first, I'd better tell you...
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Happywanderer
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Where I've been
(Preview)
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made s...
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The Gnome
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How to start a fight
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One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift The next year, I didnt buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, Well, you still havent used the gift I bought you last year! And thats how the fight started... ________________________________ My wife and I were...
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Tonyg
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