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Retirement home
(Preview)
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?' Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.' 'Really!? Like a newborn bab...
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PeterS
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833
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Elmo
(Preview)
There is a factory in Essex which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Loretta is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.The Foreman th...
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jules47
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816
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If My Body Was a Car…!
(Preview)
If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull... But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close. My trac...
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Going gone
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719
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Hairdryer through Customs
(Preview)
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!' REDONE THIS LOOK FURTHER DOWN THE POSTS - SORRY -- Edited by jules47 on Wednesday 22nd of February 2012 12:37:17 AM
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jules47
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5
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1087
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Vital fluids for life
(Preview)
Know some who would love this -
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jules47
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2
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958
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Mr Bean
(Preview)
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jules47
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0
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845
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Jet Ski
(Preview)
will try again -- Edited by jules47 on Wednesday 15th of February 2012 09:01:53 PM
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jules47
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19
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1614
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The Sensitive Man
(Preview)
The Sensitive Man The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy. She said "Ladie...
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Going gone
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2
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902
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PLEASE EXPLAIN;
(Preview)
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justcruisin01
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0
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853
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Timbuktu
(Preview)
An Australian Poetry Competition held in the Sydney Opera House had come down to two finalists; A) The university graduate. B) An old aboriginal man. They were given a word, and then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a short four line poem that contained the w...
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jimbo
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2
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1439
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SPARE TIME;
(Preview)
PRICELESS. Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day, Kate and I went into town and visited a store. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and I said, "Come on, Man, how...
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justcruisin01
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937
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Bronze Rat
(Preview)
A bloke from the bush walked into a Sydney antique shop. After looking around for a while, he noticed a very life-like bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking that he decided to buy it anyway. He took it to the owner and said: 'How much is this bronze rat?' The owner replied: 'It's $...
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sucastja
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3
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1376
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Where's my van????
(Preview)
The Policeman pulled over a car and strolled up to the drivers window: "Excuse me sir, but do you know that you're driving without a rear light?" The driver jumped out and ran to the rear of his car and let out a whimpering groan. The driver seemed so genuinely distressed that the policeman to...
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barina
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785
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A longy but a goodie
(Preview)
Here is a condensed version of history: Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters / gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were the i...
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Zoomtopz
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1
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1145
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DAY OFF;
(Preview)
A doctor wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant "Murphy, I'm goin' fishin' tomorrow, but I don't want to be closing the clinic. Could ya moind the place whilst I'm gone and take care of all me patients". "Yes, sir!" answers Murphy. So the doctor goes...
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justcruisin01
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1
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1548
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A - B - C - D - E etc.
(Preview)
After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her for a while...then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K." She asks..... "What does that mean?" He said,"Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous...
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jules47
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2
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1076
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IRISH MOTHER TO HER SON;
(Preview)
Dear Son, >>> >>> Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this >>> letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing very >>> well. >>> >>> You won't recognise the house when you get home - we have moved. Yo...
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justcruisin01
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1
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1289
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Last Fling
(Preview)
Two old boys were sitting talking about their life and they decided to have one last fling before they dropped off the perch So they went out on the town and ended up in the local brothel, the madam took one look at them and told one of the girls to to put a blow up doll in each room, the men are so old and drunk th...
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Antique Pete
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2
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1054
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The Milking Machine
(Preview)
A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his 'manhood' into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic. Soon, he realised that the equipment provided him...
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Going gone
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1277
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WOMAN DRIVERS;
(Preview)
Damn women drivers! This morning on the 400, I looked over To my left and there was a Woman In a brand new Cadillac Doing 110 km/h With her face up next to her rear view mirror Putting on her eyeliner. I looked away For a couple seconds... To continue shaving And when I looked back she was Halfway over in my la...
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justcruisin01
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891
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