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A Very Upset Customer
(Preview)
This is dedicated to all of us who are seniors, to all of you who know seniors, and to all of you who will become seniors. "WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!" The irate customer calling the newsagent, loudly demanded to know. "Madam", said the newsagent, "today is Saturday. The S...
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sucastja
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0
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781
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It's IMPORTANT to pay Attention
(Preview)
Students at a Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. Then the Professor started the class by telling them: 'In medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities a...
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Zoomtopz
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0
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784
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Juila
(Preview)
Not sure if this should be in the joke section as it right on target for mine
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Wombat 280
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1
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717
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Whore house
(Preview)
After a visit to the whore house, a man notices green lumps on his willy, So he goes to the doctors Thats serious says the doctor. You know how wrestlers get cauliflower ears? Yes says the man seriously. Well says the doctor Youve got brothel sprouts.
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Cowboy7307
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0
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764
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Two Crocodiles
(Preview)
Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake in Canberra . The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it." " Well," said the bi...
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Zoomtopz
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0
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730
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SUMMER ROMANCE
(Preview)
You appeared from no where and shamelessly, without any reservations, you laid on my naked body...you sensed my indifference, so you applied your hungry mouth to me without any guilt or humiliation, and you drove me near crazy while you drained me. Finally, I drifted off to sleep. Today when I aw...
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justcruisin01
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1
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814
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"A SCOTTISH WEDDING
(Preview)
"A SCOTTISH WEDDING" Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding. "Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant," says Jimmy. "Ay've got everythin' organised ulriddy, the fluers, the Kirk,the mootor caurs, the recuption...
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justcruisin01
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0
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751
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STAY!
(Preview)
STAY!I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping centre and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever pup had fresh air. She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my...
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justcruisin01
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0
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783
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FREE DRINKS!
(Preview)
Sitting in a bar a Scotsman says, "As good as this bar is, I still prefer the pubs back home.In Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink." "Well, Angus," said the English...
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justcruisin01
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0
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823
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Old people
(Preview)
A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts. A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat." He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you were better loo...
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jules47
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0
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901
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TICKETS;
(Preview)
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ' I clocked you at 120 km/h, sir.' The driver says, 'Christ, officer I had it on cruise control at 100, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.' Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this ca...
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justcruisin01
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1
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957
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GOLF;
(Preview)
> *Sue and her husband Frank went for counseling after 35 > years of marriage. > > When asked what the problem was, Sue went into a > passionate, painful > tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 35 > years they had > been married. > > She went on and on and on: n...
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justcruisin01
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0
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821
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Dumb Seniors
(Preview)
A Lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily. So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game. The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines an...
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robell
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1
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912
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Catholic hospital
(Preview)
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerks called 000 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nun...
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jimbo
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0
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730
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Jewish divorce
(Preview)
A Jewish daughter says to her mother, "I'm divorcing Joe." All he wants is sex, sex and more sex.. My vagina is now the size of a 50 cent piece when it used to be the size of a nickel." Her mother says, "You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman, you live in an 8 bedroom man...
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jimbo
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0
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729
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The way to inner peace...
(Preview)
Some doctor on TV yesterday said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I'd started & hadn't finished, then I finished off a bottle of Vodka, a bodle of Baileys, a botle of wum, a pock of Prungles, 1/2 chesecke an a bocs a choc...
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srp
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1
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792
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How not to play golf
(Preview)
Towards the end of a round of golf, Dave hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. All of a sudden, POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said...
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robell
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0
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549
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farm economics
(Preview)
George and Tim McGillivray saw an ad in the Daily Newspaper in Cohuna , Victoria . And bought a donkey for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, your donkey died last night" George a...
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robell
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1
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984
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You are charged with beating your wife to death
(Preview)
A man is in court for murder and the judge says 'You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.' Then a voice at the back of the court says, 'you bastard.' Then the judge continues, 'you are also charged With beating Your daughter to death with a hammer.' Again the voice at the back of the cou...
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Cowboy7307
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0
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883
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Blonde Cowgirl
(Preview)
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into action.. as it gallops along at its steady and rhythmic pace, the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for t...
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robell
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0
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742
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