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CENTRELINK:
(Preview)
Collingwood Centrelink office, A woman walks into the Collingwood Centrelink office, trailed by 15 kids . . .. 'WOW,' the social worker exclaims, 'Are they ALL yours?' 'Yeah, they are all mine,' the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, 'Sit down T...
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justcruisin01
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0
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1090
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Qantas again
(Preview)
Tony Abbott was on the news before. He was in quite a fluster, saying "No no no, you've got it all wrong, I said stop the BOATS!!!!!!!"
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Dave83
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0
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643
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Qantas
(Preview)
I heard today that Qantas are changing their logo from the flying Kangaroo to an Emu. Apparently they though that a flightless bird was more appropriate
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Dave83
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0
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752
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CAKE OR BED;
(Preview)
A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS, HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW. HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ENERGEX WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO. FINE, THEN THE W...
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justcruisin01
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0
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747
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THE KNOB
(Preview)
The Knob A woman visited a plastic surgeon who told her about anew procedure called 'The Knob,' where a smallknob is placed at the top of the woman's head andcould be turned to tighten up her skin and produce theeffect of a brand new face-lift. Of course, the womanwanted 'The Knob.' Over the cour...
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justcruisin01
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0
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616
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LIFE;
(Preview)
God created the dog and said: 'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.' The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?' So God agreed. Then God creat...
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justcruisin01
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1
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1008
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EIGHT;
(Preview)
To Be 8 again! A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday. 'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror . On the morning of her Birthday...
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justcruisin01
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0
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831
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Paddy McCoy
(Preview)
Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tel...
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Fairy-Nuff
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1
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1005
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THE PUMPKIN
(Preview)
Police work must be entertaining as well as dangerous. In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, in a pumpkin patch 12.01 A.M. On Friday. On Monday, at the Gwinnett County (Georgia) Courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious Behaviour, public in...
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clazandaza
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0
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774
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PASS PORT;
(Preview)
A traveller through England on vacation lost his wallet and all of his identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home but was stopped by the Australian Customs Agents at the airport. "May I see your identification, please?" asked the agent."I'm sorry...
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justcruisin01
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0
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812
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THE PROVIDER;
(Preview)
A nice Jewish girl brings home her fiancé to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. He invites the fiancé to his study for schnapps. "So what are your plans?" the father asks the fiancé. "I am a Torah scholar," he replies. &quo...
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justcruisin01
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0
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679
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What does CHOGM stand for?
(Preview)
Cheap Holiday on Government Money
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Dave83
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1
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941
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HOW TO ID FLIES;
(Preview)
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter 'What are you doing?' She asked. 'Hunting Flies' He responded. 'Oh ! Killing any?' She asked. 'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied. Intrigued, she asked. 'How can you tell them apart?' He responded, '3 were on a beer...
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justcruisin01
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0
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704
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CROC SHOES;
(Preview)
A blonde was on holiday and driving through Darwin. She desperately wanted to take home a pair of genuine crocodile shoes but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the sho...
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justcruisin01
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0
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870
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ADAM & EVE;
(Preview)
Adam and Eve A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race start?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so all mankind was made." Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, "...
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justcruisin01
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0
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706
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THEY WALK AMONG US
(Preview)
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.' For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too distrusti...
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Ma
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0
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883
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TThe Scotsman
(Preview)
One afternoon a Scotsman was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied....
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jimbo
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1
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1015
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HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED!
(Preview)
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justcruisin01
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0
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654
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General Cosgrove
(Preview)
General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently. Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you have to love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. In a portion of an ABC radio interview between a female...
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jimbo
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3
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1001
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SHAMPOO;
(Preview)
CHECK YOUR SHAMPOO BOTTLES Check your shampoo bottle label. I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner. It's the shampoo I use in the shower! When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body and (duh!) printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning: FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY ---...
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justcruisin01
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3
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907
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