Just Joking

sarg · sarg

A man had two of the best tickets for the opening State of Origin match. As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.. "No," he says, "the seat is empty." "This is incredible..!" said the man, "Who in their right m...

JayDee · JayDee

Stew died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body,so they sent for his two best friends, Mick and Paddy. The three men had always done everything together. Mick arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Mick said, 'Yup, his fac...

GaryKelly · GaryKelly

To help save the economy, the Government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs. Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home.

Chazza · Chazza

A bloke picks up a girl in a dark section of the street. She is dressed in bright pink knee boots and net stockings under a leatherette skirt that covers nothing very much at all. He asks if she'd like to go to his apartment to have a look at his multi-million dollar art collection. Off they go. In his apart...

JayDee · JayDee

the ****y . The sun was hot already - it was only 8 o'clock The ****y took off in his Ute, to go and check his stock. He drove around the paddocks checking wethers, ewes and lambs, The float valves in the water troughs, the windmills on the dams He stopped and turned a windmill on to fill a water tank And saw a e...

spida · spida

"Delta 351, You have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!" Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees." TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" T...

astroid60 · astroid60

The following are results from an OZ-words Competition where entrants were asked to take an Australian word, alter it by one letter only, and supply a witty definition. Clearly, you need to be an Aussie to understand. Billabonk: to make passionate love beside a waterhole Bludgie: a par...

Roving-Dutchy · Roving-Dutchy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=WSIUf2hD6Io

bill12 · bill12

JayDee · JayDee

Daddy's car in the woods? Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods.Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to t...

Chazza · Chazza

Two instances of funnies from real life... neither meant to be funny but hilarious because they were... Both relate to a city cousin returning to her rural roots. Jenny went for a walk through her brother-in-law's garden. A little bit later, he came out to find her in the middle of his pea patch. Jenny...

Hurls · Hurls

Subject: Police: Australia. Canada, USA. How do you tell the difference between an Australian Police Officer, a Canadian Police Officer and an American Police Officer? QUESTION: You're on duty by yourself (don't ask why, you just are and your Sergeant hates you) walking on...

spida · spida

Dear Technical support, 18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make ma...

sarg · sarg

Ed the Chicken Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ed.' Ed was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've Got too much to live for. Send me back!' St. Peter said, 'I'...

sarg · sarg

A young Italian girl was going on a date. Her Nonna said: 'Sita here ana letame tella you about this-a younga boy. He's agonna try ana kiss you, you are agonna likea dat, but don't let him do dat. He's agonna try ana kiss your breasts, you are agonna likeadat too, but don'ta let him do dat eeda. But mosta i...

Legendts · Legendts

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets', and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

New Version of the Three Bears Story . A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning.... Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sit...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

Mating call Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off hi...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

CATHOLIC HORSES A punter (gambler) was at the horse races playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt. He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race. Next race, as the horses li...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

*Two Woodpeckers* This Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were inMexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in t...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	THE LOVING HUSBAND (Preview) A man had two of the best tickets for the opening State of Origin match. As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.. "No," he says, "the seat is empty." "This is incredible..!" said the man, "Who in their right m...	sarg	3	791	06:36 PM Jul 17, 2013 by Chazza
	Mick & Paddy (Preview) Stew died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body,so they sent for his two best friends, Mick and Paddy. The three men had always done everything together. Mick arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Mick said, 'Yup, his fac...	JayDee	2	638	09:36 PM Jul 16, 2013 by GaryKelly
	Exporting Seniors (Preview) To help save the economy, the Government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs. Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home.	GaryKelly	1	702	04:48 AM Jul 16, 2013 by Bunkerbob
	WELL, I SUPPOSE IT DOES, REALLY...! (Preview) A bloke picks up a girl in a dark section of the street. She is dressed in bright pink knee boots and net stockings under a leatherette skirt that covers nothing very much at all. He asks if she'd like to go to his apartment to have a look at his multi-million dollar art collection. Off they go. In his apart...	Chazza	2	803	12:51 AM Jul 16, 2013 by Chazza
	The **y (Preview) the **y . The sun was hot already - it was only 8 o'clock The ****y took off in his Ute, to go and check his stock. He drove around the paddocks checking wethers, ewes and lambs, The float valves in the water troughs, the windmills on the dams He stopped and turned a windmill on to fill a water tank And saw a e...	JayDee	1	831	10:04 PM Jul 15, 2013 by Wandering Whitfields
	Plane to Tower conversations! Scary! (Preview) "Delta 351, You have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!" Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees." TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" T...	spida	0	2411	06:57 PM Jul 14, 2013 by spida
	Orstraylian (Preview) The following are results from an OZ-words Competition where entrants were asked to take an Australian word, alter it by one letter only, and supply a witty definition. Clearly, you need to be an Aussie to understand. Billabonk: to make passionate love beside a waterhole Bludgie: a par...	astroid60	0	800	03:21 PM Jul 14, 2013 by astroid60
	If only we could do this to all Bankers etc (Preview) http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=WSIUf2hD6Io	Roving-Dutchy	2	735	12:21 AM Jul 14, 2013 by GaryKelly
	braless (Preview)	bill12	1	818	02:47 AM Jul 13, 2013 by GaryKelly
	Out of the mouth of babes (Preview) Daddy's car in the woods? Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods.Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to t...	JayDee	0	587	11:35 PM Jul 11, 2013 by JayDee
	SOMETIMES IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S NOT ACTUALLY MEANT TO BE... (Preview) Two instances of funnies from real life... neither meant to be funny but hilarious because they were... Both relate to a city cousin returning to her rural roots. Jenny went for a walk through her brother-in-law's garden. A little bit later, he came out to find her in the middle of his pea patch. Jenny...	Chazza	0	640	04:48 AM Jul 11, 2013 by Chazza
	Police: Australia, Canada & USA (Preview) Subject: Police: Australia. Canada, USA. How do you tell the difference between an Australian Police Officer, a Canadian Police Officer and an American Police Officer? QUESTION: You're on duty by yourself (don't ask why, you just are and your Sergeant hates you) walking on...	Hurls	0	1013	01:55 AM Jul 11, 2013 by Hurls
	Computer update problems (Preview) Dear Technical support, 18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make ma...	spida	2	659	08:02 PM Jul 10, 2013 by 2weis
	ED THE CHICKEN (Preview) Ed the Chicken Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ed.' Ed was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've Got too much to live for. Send me back!' St. Peter said, 'I'...	sarg	0	656	07:02 PM Jul 9, 2013 by sarg
	FIRST DATE (Preview) A young Italian girl was going on a date. Her Nonna said: 'Sita here ana letame tella you about this-a younga boy. He's agonna try ana kiss you, you are agonna likea dat, but don't let him do dat. He's agonna try ana kiss your breasts, you are agonna likeadat too, but don'ta let him do dat eeda. But mosta i...	sarg	0	704	06:56 PM Jul 9, 2013 by sarg
	Fertilizer egg business (Preview) John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets', and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his...	Legendts	0	626	11:35 PM Jul 8, 2013 by Legendts
	THE THREE BEARS; (Preview) New Version of the Three Bears Story . A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning.... Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sit...	justcruisin01	1	748	12:53 AM Jul 8, 2013 by GaryKelly
	THE MATING CALL; (Preview) Mating call Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off hi...	justcruisin01	0	611	02:46 AM Jul 7, 2013 by justcruisin01
	CATHOLIC HORSES; (Preview) CATHOLIC HORSES A punter (gambler) was at the horse races playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt. He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race. Next race, as the horses li...	justcruisin01	0	790	04:03 AM Jul 6, 2013 by justcruisin01
	WOODPECKERS; (Preview) Two Woodpeckers This Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were inMexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in t...	justcruisin01	0	660	04:00 AM Jul 6, 2013 by justcruisin01
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