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At the Bar
(Preview)
I pointed to the two old drunks across the bar and said to my mate, "Thatll be us in ten years. He said, "That's a mirror, dickhead"!!!
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Hurls
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0
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476
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Getting Married
(Preview)
Getting MarriedJack, age 92, and Gill, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a chemist shop and Jack suggests they go in.Jack addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist...
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Hurls
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0
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472
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Promises
(Preview)
An elderly lady recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table.. Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him........ "You know that dishwasher you promised me? I bo...
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Hurls
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0
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536
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Dad's Reply
(Preview)
I took my dad to the shopping mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting near to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors - green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at her. The tee...
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Hurls
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0
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503
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Diary Of A POM in WA
(Preview)
DIARY OF A POM IN WESTERN AUSTRALIA August 31Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in Karratha , Western Australia .Now this is a town that knows how to live!Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday.It was beaut...
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Duh
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3
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1708
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At the movies
(Preview)
An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The old man didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there...
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jules47
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0
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500
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Mt. Rushmore closed
(Preview)
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GaryKelly
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1
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630
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The Seminar
(Preview)
The women were asked, "How many of you love your husbands?" All the women raised their hands.Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"Some women answered today, some yesterday, some didn't remember.The women were then told to take the...
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jules47
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0
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515
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710 thingy
(Preview)
A blonde came in to the auto workshop and asked for a seven-hundred-ten thingy. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What in the world is a seven-hundred-ten?" She replied, "You know, the part that's right in the mid...
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GaryKelly
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6
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899
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Mathematics
(Preview)
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that mi...
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copper1
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0
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1047
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Church
(Preview)
An elderly couple was attending a church service. About halfway through she leans over and says to her husband. "I just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?" He replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
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copper1
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1
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663
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GPS - a poem
(Preview)
I have a little GPS I've had it all my life It's better than the normal ones My GPS is my wife It gives me full instructions Especially how to drive "It's sixty k's an hour", it says "You're doing sixty five" It tells me when to stop and start And when to use the brake And tells me that it...
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Dunmowin
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2
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1525
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Sounding the horn
(Preview)
A mate sent a few of these which I've made into an album. You can see the rest here.
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GaryKelly
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2
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768
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GOD SAID TO ADAM
(Preview)
God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for Me." Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do you want me to do?" God said, "Go down into that valley."Adam said, "What's a valley?" God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river." Adam said, &q...
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sarg
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6
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1264
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Horses
(Preview)
"WHY DO HORSES FART WHEN THEY BUCK?????????" * * * *BECAUSE IT'S HARD TO ACHIVE FULL HORSE POWER WITHOUT GAS ...
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copper1
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1
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789
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Seniors and Computers
(Preview)
SENIORS & COMPUTERS........... As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers. I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons an...
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GaryKelly
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1
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715
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THE GIRAFFE TEST
(Preview)
THE GIRAFFE TESTThis test is to ascertain your mental state now. If you get one right you are doing ok if you get none right you better go for counseling. Giraffe Test There are 4 questions. 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before yo...
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Big Gorilla
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1
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1926
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A LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE;
(Preview)
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What woul...
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justcruisin01
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0
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608
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SCOTCH WITH TWO DROPS OF WATER;
(Preview)
Scotch with two Drops of Water? A lady goes to the bar on a cruise shipand orders a Scotch with two drops of water.As the bartender gives her the drink she says'I'm on this cruise to celebratemy 80th birthday and it's today.'The bartender says'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink.In f...
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justcruisin01
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0
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686
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The Job interview
(Preview)
BUNNINGS JOB APPLICATION This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to Bunnings in Burleigh Heads. They hired him because he was so funny.... NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but 1 am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate...
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barina
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0
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1206
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