|
Toilet Seat
(Preview)
THE TOILET SEAT My wife, Julie, had been after me for several weeks to paint the seat on our toilet. Finally, I got around to doing it while Julie was out. After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, s...
|
Hurls
|
1
|
699
|
|
|
|
|
The Golden Years
(Preview)
Several days ago as I left a meeting I desperately gave myself a personal search. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the car park. My husband has scolde...
|
Duh
|
2
|
664
|
|
|
|
|
Size apparently matters
(Preview)
A woman had been on the game for 4 years and was worried about the size of her Hmmm on her wedding night so she decided to tell her husband she caught it climbing over a fence. After an hour in bed with her he said "How far across the field were you before you realized it was caught?"
|
HOOK
|
0
|
684
|
|
|
|
|
Misinterpreted
(Preview)
My sexy Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate for a "roger". It was only when I had my trousers round my ankles and my member out, that I realised she wanted to rent her spare room out!!
|
HOOK
|
0
|
518
|
|
|
|
|
Who's a Pretty Boy ?
(Preview)
|
HOOK
|
0
|
538
|
|
|
|
|
The Zipper
(Preview)
The Zipper A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open." Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, "Your fly is open.&q...
|
Hurls
|
2
|
648
|
|
|
|
|
Stimulus Package
(Preview)
Now I know this is not relevant to some of you but you will appreciate the sentiment being tax payers... Sometime this year, we taxpayers may again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment. This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by Using a Q & A format: Q. What is an 'E...
|
Hurls
|
1
|
710
|
|
|
|
|
Bin Day !
(Preview)
A garbage collector in Cairns, Australia, is driving along a > street picking up the wheelie bins and emptying them into > his compactor. > > He goes to one house where the bin hasn't been left out, and in the spirit of kindness, and after having a quick look about for the bin, he gets out of hi...
|
Duh
|
0
|
645
|
|
|
|
|
Dear Mum Letter
(Preview)
Subject: Dear Mum Letter... Brilliant! A mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Mum'. With the worst premonition, she opened the env...
|
Hurls
|
1
|
1170
|
|
|
|
|
Army
(Preview)
Probably need to have seen some time in the Green Machine to fully appreciate the above. So true it hurts!!!
|
Hurls
|
5
|
839
|
|
|
|
|
The blonde and the lord
(Preview)
THE BLONDE AND THE LORD A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd read many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, &qu...
|
spida
|
1
|
838
|
|
|
|
|
Oh for a magic lamp
(Preview)
ow to live forever.A man is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand.He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. A genie appears and tells him he has been granted one wish. The man thinks for a moment and says, "I want to live forever." "Sorry," said t...
|
JayDee
|
0
|
611
|
|
|
|
|
Excerpts From a Cat's Diary
(Preview)
Excerpts From a Cat's DiaryBy: mysplitpersonalityWritten on February 13th, 2008Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my...
|
tcp99
|
1
|
751
|
|
|
|
|
A blonde...
(Preview)
|
Beth54
|
3
|
624
|
|
|
|
|
Toothbrushes
(Preview)
The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship. Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appe...
|
Hurls
|
1
|
866
|
|
|
|
|
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO ME !!!
(Preview)
An elderly Lady called 999 on her mobile phone to report that her car has been broken into.She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the operator: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The operator said, "Sta...
|
sarg
|
2
|
832
|
|
|
|
|
THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US, WILL IT????
(Preview)
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house togetherOne night the 96 year old draws a bath.. She puts her foot in and pauses... She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the s...
|
sarg
|
2
|
651
|
|
|
|
|
YELLOW 24
(Preview)
A man goes into a doctor's office feeling a little ill The doctor checks him over and says, 'Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus. It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live. There's no known cure so just go home an...
|
sarg
|
1
|
735
|
|
|
|
|
THE FART
(Preview)
Sweet Little Poem. A fart is a pleasant thing... It gives the belly ease... It warms the bed in winter... And suffocates the fleas. <mime-attachment.gif> A fart can be quiet... A fart can be loud... Some leave a powerful... Poisonous cloud <mime-attachment.gif> A fart c...
|
sarg
|
1
|
679
|
|
|
|
|
A RUSSIAN VISITING CARD EXPLAINED
(Preview)
All right, as promised, the explanation of the 'Russian visiting card'. I know very few of you had difficulty with it but, for the two or three who did, here is the original, along with its meaning. A RUSSIAN VISITING CARD: VYISDER ASZMENI ORZESARZES AZDERIZ ORZES B. Corsz Zeris Vunarz Perorze An...
|
Chazza
|
0
|
594
|
|
|
