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MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME # 2
(Preview)
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your father!" My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!" My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION - "Just w...
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Hendo
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0
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509
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MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME
(Preview)
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!" My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't straighte...
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Hendo
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4
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1010
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When cough medicine was medicine
(Preview)
And they complain now about us having too much sugar...... Damn picture won't load...sorry -- Edited by Ontos45 on Sunday 19th of January 2014 12:58:11 PM
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Ontos45
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0
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565
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TYPICAL BLOODY QUEENSLANDER............
(Preview)
At a national conference of the Australian Hotels Association, the general managers of Cascade Brewery ( Tasmania ), Tooheys ( New South Wales ), XXXX ( Queensland ), CUB ( Victoria ) and Coopers ( South Australia ) found themselves sitting at the same table for lunch. When the wait...
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sarg
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1
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748
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Wedding
(Preview)
It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers......
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rockylizard
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2
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494
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The Psychiatrist On Obsessions.....
(Preview)
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with five young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said: "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second...
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Vic41
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1
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557
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Paddy 2
(Preview)
Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing naked in front of a tractor. Mick says, "Oi Paddy, what ya doing?" Paddy says, "Well me and Mary haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately & the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor."
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copper1
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1
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572
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Paddy
(Preview)
Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires stickin out of it. He phones the police and says "Bejasus I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb." The operator asks, "is it tickin?... Paddy says "No, oi tink it's beef.."
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copper1
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0
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490
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Exams .
(Preview)
Just before the end of a school day the teacher says to the class " Don't forget tomorrow we have a very important examand it is absolutely compulsory for everyone to be here ." The only excuse for non-attendance is a death in the family or a severe illness ." Johnny stands and says "...
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sandsmere
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0
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594
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DIESEL FITTER;
(Preview)
Paddy and Mick were both laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, 'Knicker Stitcher.. I sew da elastic onto ladies' knickers and thongs..' The clerk looked up Knicke...
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justcruisin01
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3
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724
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You just have to enjoy life......no matter what..lol
(closed)
(Preview)
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bridget
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7
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1194
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Fortune Teller
(Preview)
During a recent publicity outing, Jennifer sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered grave news. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will d...
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Hendo
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1
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592
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HHMMMMMMMMM!
(Preview)
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justcruisin01
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1
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662
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Dr's Visit
(Preview)
A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit do...
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copper1
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0
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572
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MISPLACED MY GLASSES
(Preview)
Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing. Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was "only thinking of me&q...
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Big Gorilla
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2
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633
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I love chocolate..only a male would think like this ..lol
(Preview)
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bridget
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7
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700
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Romantic Dinner
(Preview)
A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant.They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman stared str...
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rosco532
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0
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586
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For Music Lovers
(Preview)
A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: "Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770- 1827". Then he realizes t...
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rosco532
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0
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466
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Miracle of God
(Preview)
An old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, 'George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?' George replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in...
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HOOK
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1
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587
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AN EXPLANATION OF LIFE;
(Preview)
On the first day, God created the dog and said, sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this I will give you a life span of twenty years. The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" And G...
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justcruisin01
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1
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709
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