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Paddy's Emergency Call....
(Preview)
Paddy phones an ambulance because his mate's been hit by a car. Paddy: 'Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I tink both his legs are broken.' Operator: 'What is your location sir?' Paddy: 'Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street .' Operator: 'How do you spell that sir?' Si...
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Vic41
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0
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784
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Irish Turf....
(Preview)
Two Irishmen were waiting at the bus stop when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of turf. Jimmy said, Im gonna do dat when I win da lottery. What's dat den? asks Mikey. Send me lawn away to be mowed."
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Vic41
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0
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539
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Thit No....
(Preview)
Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night togetherin a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy. The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?" Donald frowned and said, "No." Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not h...
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Vic41
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0
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721
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Anyone like apple cider ??
(Preview)
Aha http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xfzxesxk_Yo -- Edited by Aus-Kiwi on Friday 21st of February 2014 02:43:51 AM
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Aus-Kiwi
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0
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629
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Oh Dear...
(Preview)
3 Beautiful Children I saw her standing there and I told her she had three beautiful children. She didn't have to get all pissed off and threaten me. It was an honest mistake.
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rosco532
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0
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795
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Farting
(Preview)
Do you fart in bed ? If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I'll pray for you. This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husbands habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake h...
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Jenzarl
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0
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733
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Original Computer
(Preview)
The original computer was a pencil with a rubber on one end. Memory was something you lost with ageAn application was for employmentA program was a radio showA cursor used profanityA keyboard was a pianoA web was a spider's homeA virus was the fluA CD was a bank accountA hard drive was a long trip on the r...
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Vic41
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5
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1288
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The importance of correct grammar
(Preview)
On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for aconsultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction! The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man...
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rosco532
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0
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586
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Just ignore him
(Preview)
So a couple go out on a date to a movie theater, while watching the movie, the girl whispers to her boyfriend That the guy next to her is masturbating. .. he tells her " just ignore him"..."well" she whispers "that's a little tough to do", "why"?... "b...
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Bear2014
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0
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657
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Aussie Etiquette
(Preview)
Aussie Bush Etiquette is recognized throughout the civilized world but we all need to be reminded from time to time. In General: 1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them. 3. It's tacky to take an Esky to...
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Maggie and Alex
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0
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740
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The Dinner
(Preview)
The Dinner She wanted to serve her guests mushroom-smothered steak, but she had no mushrooms and no time to buy them. Her husband suggested, "Why don't you go pick some of the mushrooms that are growing wild down by the stream? "No, some wild mushrooms are poisonous." "Well...
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Maggie and Alex
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0
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623
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A WIDDLE RABBIT
(Preview)
a widdle wabbit A precious little girl walks into a PetSmart store and asks,in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do...
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Hurls
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0
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895
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iPhone
(Preview)
The following text message appeared on a man's iPhone from his next-door neighbor: "I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night, when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer liv...
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astroid60
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0
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606
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Even worse than a colonoscopy
(Preview)
http://www.youtube.com/embed/gSw4CLV14sQ?rel=0
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petengail
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4
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1545
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Cop
(Preview)
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rockylizard
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0
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557
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The Old Bloke
(Preview)
An old bloke living in north Queensland owned a bit of a farm on which was a large pond. It wasn't a bad swimming hole so he planted a couple of fruit trees around it and put in a picnic table. One hot afternoon he decided to go down for a swim and pick some fuit while he was there. Off he went with his five-gallo...
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Hendo
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1
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860
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The Magician and The Parrot...
(Preview)
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the Magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shoutin...
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Vic41
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0
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660
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Government Poll
(Preview)
The latest poll taken by the Federal Government asked whether people who live in Australia think that illegal immigration is a serious problem. 29% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem" 71% of respondents answered: "Mafi mushkila shukran"
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Hendo
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1
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656
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Pommie in WA
(Preview)
DIARY OF A POMMIE IN WESTERN AUSTRALIA August 31 Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in Karratha , Western Australia . Now this is a town that knows how to live! Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday. It was beau...
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Hendo
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4
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1139
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Mexitorians
(Preview)
Four old retired blokes are walking down a street in Maroochydore. They turned a corner and see a sign that says, Old Timer's Bar - all drinks 10 cents! They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Co...
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Spook
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0
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610
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