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The bill
(Preview)
A GN suffered a serious heart attack while shopping at woolworths (probably caused by the prices) The clerk called 000 and the paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in a Catholic Hospital, in the care...
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Hendo
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1
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713
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OOPS ! ! !
(Preview)
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rockylizard
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0
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656
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Golfer.....
(Preview)
A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him. "I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!" "Oh God no!" cri...
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Vic41
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1
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673
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Time to groan perhaps ...
(Preview)
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.What do you get when you drop a piano on an Army base? A flat MajorQ: Why did the lamp go on a diet?A: Because it wanted to get light.Q: What do a violin and a lawsuit have in common? A: Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
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rockylizard
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1
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904
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Ken and Edna
(Preview)
Ken and Edna Ken and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, And every year Ken would say, 'Edna, I'd like to ride in that helicopter' Edna always replied, 'I know Ken, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, And fifty bucks is fifty bucks' One year Ken and Edna went to the fair, And Ken said, 'Edna...
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Yendorane
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2
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1010
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Train Controller.....(an oldie but a goodie).
(Preview)
A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of You bas****s who want off, get off now, 'cos we're in a hurry! And all of you bast****s who are getting on, get on now, 'cos...
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Vic41
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0
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752
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A good Lawyer
(Preview)
A lawyer defending a man in New York accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles Your Honour.His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by h...
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kiwijims
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1
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797
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Ugandan Sales Lady - Buy One - Get One Free....
(Preview)
Sound needed...Sales lady in Uganda https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10153854046550392 Watch till end and you will thoroughly enjoy. If you have lived in East Africa such as Kenya , Ethiopia , Somalia , etc you will relate to such episodes and do enjoy this presentation !!.
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Vic41
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2
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1177
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Small white Dot
(Preview)
A class was given a homework assignment to find out something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class. He picked up a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the black...
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reglynn
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0
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825
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John and Jim
(Preview)
Conjoined twins walk into a pub in Sydney and park themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip, I'm John, he's Jim. Two VB's thanks" The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers....
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Gunsondeck
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0
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817
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The Chemist's Assistant will fix You !!!
(Preview)
A pharmacist walked into his own shop to find a man leaning against the wall. "What's wrong with him?", he asked his assistant. "He came in for cough syrup, but I could not find any, so I gave him an entire box of laxatives." "You idiot" said the chemist, "You cann...
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kiwijims
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1
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822
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How to fix those damn silent phone calls......
(Preview)
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kiwijims
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4
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1015
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Clock for sale ?
(Preview)
The other night I was invited out for a night with the guys. I told my wife that I would be home by midnight... "promise!"Well, the hours passed quickly and the beer was going down way too easy. At 3am, drunk as a skunk, I headed for home.Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall start...
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rockylizard
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2
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792
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Honk For Jesus...
(Preview)
Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear Grand-daughter, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk' if you love Jesus' bumper sticker .. I was feeling particul...
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Vic41
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2
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1037
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The Day
(Preview)
THE Day P.E.Nis asked for a Raise I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labour. I work at great depths. I plunge headfirst into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that...
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Hurls
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0
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887
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5 old ladies
(Preview)
Sitting on the side of the highway, waiting to catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 KPH. Says he to himself: "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices th...
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reglynn
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1
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997
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Tax Story...
(Preview)
Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-weekvacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captainannounces: Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I havesome very bad news.Our engines have ceased functioning and we willattempt an emergency lan...
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Vic41
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0
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767
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Warning About Watching 3D TV While Travelling....
(Preview)
Hi all, just a warning on the new 3D televisions. I bought one the other day and guess what! They are so vivid and real. I dozed off watching a realistic documentary on local thieves targeting tourists. When I woke up my wallet and thongs were gone...................... -- Edited by Vic41 on Fri...
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Vic41
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653
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COLIN;;
(Preview)
A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours. He also invited Colin, the only aborigine in the neighbourhood.. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, ea...
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justcruisin01
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0
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773
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Thai Massage
(Preview)
I went to a Thai Massage the other day, she worked on my back and down my legs then my neck, then my back again, her little hot hands sliding over my naked back! She asked me to roll over, and well things had swelled and it looked like a tent peg under the towel. She just smiled and looked me in the eye and asked...
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Hendo
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4
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968
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