Just Joking

Vic41 · Vic41

http://www.mprnews.org/story/2010/04/06/wits-Sweeney

Yendorane · Yendorane

Telephone rings, woman answers. Pervert, breathing heavily, says, "I bet you have a tight ar#e with no hair?" Woman replies, "Yes, I have. He's watching the rugby.... Who shall I say is calling?"

Yendorane · Yendorane

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "I do, Father." The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall." Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?&q...

Peterpan · Peterpan

There was a competition to swim the English C hannel doing only the breast stroke. The three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. After around 14 hours the brunette staggered ashore and was declared the winner. About 40 minutes later the redhead crawled up onto the shore...

kiwijims · kiwijims

Hi,it has come to my attention that the Ford company has produce a new car utilizing the well usedterm of eight, it is as follows.Ford promoted and developed the V8Ford of England produced the small Ford 8Several manufacturers produced straight 8s. Ford built a special but did not produce it.Ford ha...

Lesley F · Lesley F

The Squirrel and The Grasshopper REST OF THE WORLD VERSION The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.Come winter, the s...

Loffty · Loffty

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing, I said. ... Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favourite topic of conversation. She was "only think...

Vic41 · Vic41

A few minutes before the church service started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate....

Vic41 · Vic41

In a convent in Ireland , the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey t...

Vic41 · Vic41

Dear Simon, I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't bel...

Yendorane · Yendorane

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!" Miraculously...

robmac · robmac

Two fastidiuos consumers of the wonderful self made and fiercely protected brew were having an argument as to who made the best brew. They eventually decided to send samples for chemical analysis. A week later the reply came back It said "after exhaustive tests of both samples, we are unan...

Dunmowin · Dunmowin

Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Cooktown. They turned a corner and see a sign that says, Old Timer's Bar - all drinks 10 cents! They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Come on in...

Gunsondeck · Gunsondeck

Number One"I am a medical student currently doing arotation in toxicology at the poison control centre in Brisbane. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to b...

Vic41 · Vic41

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quick bout of love making' with their 8-year old son in the apartment wasto send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the Street activities.He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:'There's a car being...

robmac · robmac

Sister Mary walks in to the bar and says to the barman....."I'd like a bottle of Johnny Walker please and it's OK as its for Mother Superiors constipation" Later in the day the barman was shocked to see the Sister sitting in the park absolutely zonked "Didn't you say that whisky wa...

Vic41 · Vic41

The Business DealA Chinese guy goes into a Jewish-owned establishment to buy black bras, size 38. The Jewish store keeper, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for t...

Gunsondeck · Gunsondeck

You have to hand it to them! Now on sale at IKEA - LESBIAN beds, no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove... A Muslim has been shot in the head with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related... Due to a water shortage in Ireland, Dublin swimming baths have announc...

Vic41 · Vic41

Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.So when P...

Pete49 · Pete49

Many thanks for your letter, suggesting your ex-wife as an ideal candidate for our new quiz show. I have reviewed the qualities you describe of her, and agree that she may possess the attributes we are looking for in the shows contestants. However, before we take this any further, I must point out that...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Explaining Sex To An 8 Year Old....(Video - Sound On). (Preview) http://www.mprnews.org/story/2010/04/06/wits-Sweeney	Vic41	4	1024	11:55 AM Aug 1, 2014 by Glenelg
	Pervert Call (Preview) Telephone rings, woman answers. Pervert, breathing heavily, says, "I bet you have a tight ar#e with no hair?" Woman replies, "Yes, I have. He's watching the rugby.... Who shall I say is calling?"	Yendorane	1	792	11:40 AM Aug 1, 2014 by Glenelg
	Father Murphy (Preview) Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "I do, Father." The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall." Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?&q...	Yendorane	1	853	04:42 AM Jul 31, 2014 by Bryan
	Swimming (Preview) There was a competition to swim the English C hannel doing only the breast stroke. The three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. After around 14 hours the brunette staggered ashore and was declared the winner. About 40 minutes later the redhead crawled up onto the shore...	Peterpan	0	665	05:25 PM Jul 30, 2014 by Peterpan
	FORD have produced a NEW "8" (Preview) Hi,it has come to my attention that the Ford company has produce a new car utilizing the well usedterm of eight, it is as follows.Ford promoted and developed the V8Ford of England produced the small Ford 8Several manufacturers produced straight 8s. Ford built a special but did not produce it.Ford ha...	kiwijims	0	576	01:52 PM Jul 30, 2014 by kiwijims
	the squirrel and the grasshopper (Preview) *The Squirrel and The Grasshopper* REST OF THE WORLD VERSION The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.Come winter, the s...	Lesley F	3	997	09:33 PM Jul 29, 2014 by D and D
	Pay back :) (Preview) Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing, I said. ... Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favourite topic of conversation. She was "only think...	Loffty	1	683	06:10 AM Jul 29, 2014 by Glenelg
	Satan.... (Preview) A few minutes before the church service started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate....	Vic41	1	754	09:39 PM Jul 27, 2014 by Bryan
	Holy Reviver.... (Preview) In a convent in Ireland , the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey t...	Vic41	0	651	03:46 PM Jul 27, 2014 by Vic41
	Why You Don't See Males Running Relationship Advice Columns.... (Preview) Dear Simon, I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't bel...	Vic41	0	688	03:43 PM Jul 27, 2014 by Vic41
	Paddy was driving down the street (Preview) Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!" Miraculously...	Yendorane	0	633	11:23 AM Jul 27, 2014 by Yendorane
	Home Brew (Preview) Two fastidiuos consumers of the wonderful self made and fiercely protected brew were having an argument as to who made the best brew. They eventually decided to send samples for chemical analysis. A week later the reply came back It said "after exhaustive tests of both samples, we are unan...	robmac	0	809	11:11 PM Jul 22, 2014 by robmac
	Happy Hour (Preview) Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Cooktown. They turned a corner and see a sign that says, Old Timer's Bar - all drinks 10 cents! They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, 'Come on in...	Dunmowin	0	1243	08:32 PM Jul 22, 2014 by Dunmowin
	Prize Winning Idiots of 2013 (Preview) Number One"I am a medical student currently doing arotation in toxicology at the poison control centre in Brisbane. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to b...	Gunsondeck	0	945	06:08 PM Jul 22, 2014 by Gunsondeck
	Lying to Kids Tactics.... (Preview) The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quick bout of love making' with their 8-year old son in the apartment wasto send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the Street activities.He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:'There's a car being...	Vic41	0	696	03:12 PM Jul 22, 2014 by Vic41
	Sister Mary (Preview) Sister Mary walks in to the bar and says to the barman....."I'd like a bottle of Johnny Walker please and it's OK as its for Mother Superiors constipation" Later in the day the barman was shocked to see the Sister sitting in the park absolutely zonked "Didn't you say that whisky wa...	robmac	0	650	10:33 PM Jul 21, 2014 by robmac
	Black Bra - Size 38..... (Preview) The Business DealA Chinese guy goes into a Jewish-owned establishment to buy black bras, size 38. The Jewish store keeper, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for t...	Vic41	2	872	09:46 PM Jul 20, 2014 by Vic41
	You have to hand it to them! (Preview) *You have to hand it to them!* Now on sale at IKEA - LESBIAN beds, no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove... A Muslim has been shot in the head with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related... Due to a water shortage in Ireland, Dublin swimming baths have announc...	Gunsondeck	0	754	11:38 AM Jul 20, 2014 by Gunsondeck
	The Lake... (Preview) Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.So when P...	Vic41	0	685	04:49 AM Jul 20, 2014 by Vic41
	contestant reply (Preview) Many thanks for your letter, suggesting your ex-wife as an ideal candidate for our new quiz show. I have reviewed the qualities you describe of her, and agree that she may possess the attributes we are looking for in the shows contestants. However, before we take this any further, I must point out that...	Pete49	2	694	05:39 PM Jul 19, 2014 by Kendo
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