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Political...BUT funny if you vote LNP... Sorry Cindy..
(Preview)
This message is forwarded as a community service! No political bias intended. Einstein developed this remarkable theory: Energy = Mass x Speed of Light squared....... A brilliant genius as we all know. A lesser known application of Einstein's formula determine...
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aussie_paul
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5
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1218
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NBN In The Bush
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Aussie Computer Terminology - Getting ready for Broadband in the bush!! A little bit of Aussie culcha. LOGON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter.LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie.MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie.DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the ute.HARD DRIVE: Making th...
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Wombat 280
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0
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957
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British humour
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The train was quite crowded, so a U.S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'A...
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aussie_paul
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3
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1022
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Have a laugh.
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The judge says to a double murder defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer." A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out "You bastard!" The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother in law to death with a hammer." The voice in the back of the courtroom ye...
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dishlicker
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0
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1094
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A Lawyer and a Senior
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A Lawyer and a Senior A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily. So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game. The senior is tired and just wants to take a na...
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aussie_paul
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0
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880
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Oops....
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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0
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973
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A Glasgow Girl
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Three friends married women from different parts of the world.....The first man married a Filipino. He told her that she was to do the dishesand house cleaning.It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a cleanhouse and dishes washed and put away.The second man married a Thai. He...
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Yarra
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0
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866
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Different meanings
(Preview)
* 1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.* Female...... Any part under a car's hood. Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra. *2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.* Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male..... Playing football without a cup. *3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-...
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Yarra
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0
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936
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An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.
(Preview)
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer you're assigned to hell."So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of accommodations and starts designing and b...
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aussie_paul
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1
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778
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Juggler stopped by the police
(Preview)
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police."What are those knives doing in your car?" Asked the officer."I use them in my juggling act," says the juggler."Oh yeah? Let`s see you do it." Says the policeman.So the man gets out of the car and starts tossing and juggling the knive...
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Yarra
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1
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916
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Three elderly golfers are walking down the fairway.....plus 2nd Joke tad off colour....
(Preview)
Three elderly golfers are walking down the fairway. "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60 year old...you always feel like you have to pee...and most of the time nothing happens.. "Ahh, that's nothing boys", said the 70 year old. When you're 70,you don't have a decent bowel movement anymore. You t...
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goldfinger
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0
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1074
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New Trump Billboard in Times Square??...tad off colour..
(Preview)
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goldfinger
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0
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704
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3. Surgeons
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Three surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in the USA. In my favourite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident; I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Que...
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Woody2
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0
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898
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Oldies but Goodies.
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These are oldies but goodies. They are real extracts from actual complaint letters sent to various councils and housing associations throughout the UK. 1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it backfired and burnt my knob off. 2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he...
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Baggie
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0
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676
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A Senior Driver who no longer required a Driving Licence??....
(Preview)
My neighbour was working in his yard when he was startled by a car that came crashing through his front fence, taking his shrubbery with it, weeding his front garden and landing on his front lawn... He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down gently on a lawn chair.. He said wit...
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goldfinger
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0
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730
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A Preacher is at his dying church members bed
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The preacher is talking to the man, saying how he will say a prayer for his quick healing when all of a sudden the man begins to attempt to tell him somethingThe man motions with his hand so the pastor steps closer "What is it? What do you need?" The pastor askedThe man looks around the room and grabs the pen...
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Yarra
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0
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718
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Ok so I'm ducking for cover on this one
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Woody n Sue
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1
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872
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An oldie perhaps..however very Australian...
(Preview)
Another blonde one.......with a twist..this blonde is intelligent/quick witted... A blonde was sent on her way to Heaven where, upon arrival, a concerned St. Peter met her at the 'Pearly Gates'. "I'm sorry". St Peter said. 'But Heaven is suffering from a complete overload of 'goodly souls' and w...
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goldfinger
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0
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853
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FIFTY SHADES OF GREY BY PAM AYRES..
(Preview)
The missus bought a Paperback,down Shepton Mallet way, I had a look inside her bag;... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".Well I just left her to it, And at ten I went to bed. An hour later she appeared; The sight filled me with dread. In her left hand she held a rope; And in her right a whip! She threw them down upo...
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aussie_paul
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4
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1184
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Broken hearted lawyer
(Preview)
A father told his 3 sons when he sent them to the university. "I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education. You do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it. As a gesture of appreciation, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."And so it hap...
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Woody2
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2
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916
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