Just Joking

rockylizard · rockylizard

Gday... Cheers - John

Woody2 · Woody2

Airline Announcements: United Flight Attendant announced, 'People, people, we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!' ************ ********* ********* ******* On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to lea...

Yarra · Yarra

The farmer says, "Some things you just can't explain." "So what happened that is so horrible?" the man asked. The farmer then decides to try an answer, "Well if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked it over.""That's no...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

This message is forwarded as a community service! No political bias intended. Einstein developed this remarkable theory: Energy = Mass x Speed of Light squared....... A brilliant genius as we all know. A lesser known application of Einstein's formula determine...

Wombat 280 · Wombat 280

Aussie Computer Terminology - Getting ready for Broadband in the bush!! A little bit of Aussie culcha. LOGON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter.LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie.MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie.DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the ute.HARD DRIVE: Making th...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

The train was quite crowded, so a U.S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'A...

dishlicker · dishlicker

The judge says to a double murder defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer." A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out "You bastard!" The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother in law to death with a hammer." The voice in the back of the courtroom ye...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

A Lawyer and a Senior A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily. So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game. The senior is tired and just wants to take a na...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Aussie Paul.

Yarra · Yarra

Three friends married women from different parts of the world.....The first man married a Filipino. He told her that she was to do the dishesand house cleaning.It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a cleanhouse and dishes washed and put away.The second man married a Thai. He...

Yarra · Yarra

* 1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.* Female...... Any part under a car's hood. Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra. *2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.* Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male..... Playing football without a cup. *3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer you're assigned to hell."So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of accommodations and starts designing and b...

Yarra · Yarra

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police."What are those knives doing in your car?" Asked the officer."I use them in my juggling act," says the juggler."Oh yeah? Let`s see you do it." Says the policeman.So the man gets out of the car and starts tossing and juggling the knive...

goldfinger · goldfinger

Three elderly golfers are walking down the fairway. "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60 year old...you always feel like you have to pee...and most of the time nothing happens.. "Ahh, that's nothing boys", said the 70 year old. When you're 70,you don't have a decent bowel movement anymore. You t...

goldfinger · goldfinger

Woody2 · Woody2

Three surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in the USA. In my favourite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident; I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Que...

Baggie · Baggie

These are oldies but goodies. They are real extracts from actual complaint letters sent to various councils and housing associations throughout the UK. 1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it backfired and burnt my knob off. 2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he...

goldfinger · goldfinger

My neighbour was working in his yard when he was startled by a car that came crashing through his front fence, taking his shrubbery with it, weeding his front garden and landing on his front lawn... He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down gently on a lawn chair.. He said wit...

Yarra · Yarra

The preacher is talking to the man, saying how he will say a prayer for his quick healing when all of a sudden the man begins to attempt to tell him somethingThe man motions with his hand so the pastor steps closer "What is it? What do you need?" The pastor askedThe man looks around the room and grabs the pen...

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	SpecSavers (Preview) Gday... Cheers - John	rockylizard	3	1158	06:41 PM Jun 2, 2016 by Baggie
	Airline Announcements (Preview) Airline Announcements: United Flight Attendant announced, 'People, people, we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!' ********** ***** ***** *** On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to lea...**	Woody2	1	1439	10:47 AM Jun 1, 2016 by Brownie2
	Some things you just can't explain (Preview) The farmer says, "Some things you just can't explain." "So what happened that is so horrible?" the man asked. The farmer then decides to try an answer, "Well if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked it over.""That's no...	Yarra	5	1195	08:56 AM Jun 1, 2016 by Bryan
	Political...BUT funny if you vote LNP... Sorry Cindy.. (Preview) This message is forwarded as a community service! No political bias intended. Einstein developed this remarkable theory: Energy = Mass x Speed of Light squared....... A brilliant genius as we all know. A lesser known application of Einstein's formula determine...	aussie_paul	5	1205	07:20 AM Jun 1, 2016 by dorian
	NBN In The Bush (Preview) *Aussie Computer Terminology - Getting ready for Broadband in the bush!!* A little bit of Aussie culcha. *LOGON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter.LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie.MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie.DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the ute.HARD DRIVE: Making th...*	Wombat 280	0	942	07:14 PM May 30, 2016 by Wombat 280
	British humour (Preview) The train was quite crowded, so a U.S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'A...	aussie_paul	3	1007	08:59 PM May 29, 2016 by Baggie
	Have a laugh. (Preview) The judge says to a double murder defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer." A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out "You bastard!" The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother in law to death with a hammer." The voice in the back of the courtroom ye...	dishlicker	0	1076	05:01 PM May 29, 2016 by dishlicker
	A Lawyer and a Senior (Preview) A Lawyer and a Senior A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily. So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game. The senior is tired and just wants to take a na...	aussie_paul	0	866	12:38 PM May 29, 2016 by aussie_paul
	Oops.... (Preview) Aussie Paul.	aussie_paul	0	953	08:11 PM May 28, 2016 by aussie_paul
	A Glasgow Girl (Preview) Three friends married women from different parts of the world.....The first man married a Filipino. He told her that she was to do the dishesand house cleaning.It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a cleanhouse and dishes washed and put away.The second man married a Thai. He...	Yarra	0	851	01:17 PM May 28, 2016 by Yarra
	Different meanings (Preview) * 1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.* Female...... Any part under a car's hood. Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra. 2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male..... Playing football without a cup. *3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-...	Yarra	0	920	07:17 PM May 27, 2016 by Yarra
	An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. (Preview) An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer you're assigned to hell."So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of accommodations and starts designing and b...	aussie_paul	1	766	06:13 PM May 27, 2016 by gumpybsc
	Juggler stopped by the police (Preview) A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police."What are those knives doing in your car?" Asked the officer."I use them in my juggling act," says the juggler."Oh yeah? Let`s see you do it." Says the policeman.So the man gets out of the car and starts tossing and juggling the knive...	Yarra	1	904	05:10 PM May 27, 2016 by grahos
	Three elderly golfers are walking down the fairway.....plus 2nd Joke tad off colour.... (Preview) Three elderly golfers are walking down the fairway. "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60 year old...you always feel like you have to pee...and most of the time nothing happens.. "Ahh, that's nothing boys", said the 70 year old. When you're 70,you don't have a decent bowel movement anymore. You t...	goldfinger	0	1064	07:08 PM May 26, 2016 by goldfinger
	New Trump Billboard in Times Square??...tad off colour.. (Preview)	goldfinger	0	694	06:50 PM May 26, 2016 by goldfinger
	3. Surgeons (Preview) Three surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in the USA. In my favourite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident; I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Que...	Woody2	0	881	05:30 PM May 26, 2016 by Woody2
	Oldies but Goodies. (Preview) These are oldies but goodies. They are real extracts from actual complaint letters sent to various councils and housing associations throughout the UK. 1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it backfired and burnt my knob off. 2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he...	Baggie	0	662	03:52 PM May 26, 2016 by Baggie
	A Senior Driver who no longer required a Driving Licence??.... (Preview) My neighbour was working in his yard when he was startled by a car that came crashing through his front fence, taking his shrubbery with it, weeding his front garden and landing on his front lawn... He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down gently on a lawn chair.. He said wit...	goldfinger	0	715	01:49 PM May 26, 2016 by goldfinger
	A Preacher is at his dying church members bed (Preview) The preacher is talking to the man, saying how he will say a prayer for his quick healing when all of a sudden the man begins to attempt to tell him somethingThe man motions with his hand so the pastor steps closer "What is it? What do you need?" The pastor askedThe man looks around the room and grabs the pen...	Yarra	0	701	10:55 AM May 26, 2016 by Yarra
	Ok so I'm ducking for cover on this one (Preview)	Woody n Sue	1	861	07:40 PM May 25, 2016 by grahos
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