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A blond guy...
(Preview)
A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. Whats up? he says. Im having a heart attack, cries the woman.He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as hes dialing, his 4-year-ol...
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aussie_paul
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0
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877
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Two men were out fishing...
(Preview)
Two men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke. He asks the other guy if he has a lighter.The other guy replies, Yes I do. And hands him a 10 inch BIC lighter.Surprised, he asks, Where did you get this?The other guy replies, Oh, I have a personal genie.Really? Can I make a wish?Sure, says the man,...
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aussie_paul
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3
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968
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Can you relate?
(Preview)
Was out walking with the wife and she stopped and said to me; "You weren't even listening were you?" I thought to myself - "that's a weird way to start a conversation".
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Possum3
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1
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1096
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In the beginning
(Preview)
A little girl asked her mother, How did the human race appear? The mother answered, God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made. Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race e...
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Possum3
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1
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746
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Duelling Banjos
(Preview)
City girl Shauna was driving back to town after attending a family funeral when she ran out of gasoline. It was getting late so she asked two good boys sitting on the stoop of a caravan, where she could get some gasoline. Well, said one, The filling station aint open untill tomorrow, but I reckon you can s...
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Possum3
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1
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851
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COLONOSCOPY REPORT
(Preview)
During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then? He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now." I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense." He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke." Aussie Paul.
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aussie_paul
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1
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919
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Three desperately ill men.....
(Preview)
Three desperately ill men go to their doctor seeking help. One is and alcoholic, one is a chain smoker and the other is gay.The doctor tells the men if you indulge in any of your habits again you will die.So the three men leave and then the alcoholic sees a bar and hears its loud music and cant resist.He ord...
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aussie_paul
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1
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876
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Be on your guard..
(Preview)
... just had a warning from police about keys.We are being warned about 5 keys that can open 87% of cars and 99% of houses.This is not a joke.The keys you need to be on the lookout for are:Dar-keys, Pak-keys, Bi-keys, Jun-keys & Key-wi's. Aussie Paul.
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aussie_paul
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2
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1091
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Health Check
(Preview)
I've been lurking for a long time on here, so I thought that I would say hi with some humour. Cheers Dave
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Davkaz
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1
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1052
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Men's medical issue...
(Preview)
A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital.During her tour, she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously."Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained. "I'm very sorry th...
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aussie_paul
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3
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926
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The Lunatic.
(Preview)
As a man passed with his car from in front of the mental hospital, his cars tire exploded. After that; picks up the spare tire from the car trunk, removes the exploded tire from its place. At that moment the bolts fall down from the sewer hole. The problem is great, there is no bolt to attach the spare tire....
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Possum3
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1
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797
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The Biker
(Preview)
A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange: Officer: May I see your driver's license? Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.... Officer: The mo...
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Possum3
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1
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1240
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A Parrot tale.
(Preview)
A cat burglar broke into a house during the night, as he started to collect some goodies and put them in his bag. He heard a voice saying - Jesus is watching you. The burglar turned his flashlight in the direction of the voice. The burglar saw a parrot which said again - Jesus is watching you. The astounded...
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Possum3
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1
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810
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Dying boyfriend..
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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2
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1059
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Organics
(Preview)
My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?" "The produce guy looked at me and said "No. You'll hav...
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fwdoz
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2
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948
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Three sisters
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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2
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922
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Prediction
(Preview)
A man went to the fortune teller and the fortune teller said while looking into the mans hand; Very soon, you will do something that will cause millions of people to die. The man was very upset and wretched when he heard these words. He decided to commit suicide in order not to harm anyone and by lying on t...
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Possum3
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0
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905
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Volvo
(Preview)
An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings him on his cell phone. "Honey" she says in a worried voice "be careful. There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the freeway". "It's worse than that" he replies "There are hundreds of them!"
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fwdoz
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1
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787
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Psychic
(Preview)
A frog telephoned the psychic hotline and was told "You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you". The frog said "That's great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?" "No" said the psychic "Next term... in her biology class".
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fwdoz
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1
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923
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Report Card
(Preview)
Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good - mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break h...
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fwdoz
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1
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891
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