|
Special Timbers.
(Preview)
An old blind guy goes for a job at a lumberyard. During the interview, the owner says, You're blind, how can you possibly tell one piece of wood from another? The blind guy responds that he can tell you everything you need to know about wood by its smell. So the owner decides to test him and sends a worker o...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
856
|
|
|
|
|
Lion Hunting.
(Preview)
Two friends had gone hunting. Ahead they saw a lion. The first man shot and missed but the lion had not realized where the men were. The second guy shot too. He missed too. This time the lion realized the place of the men and moved towards them. One of the men immediately took off his boots and put on spor...
|
Possum3
|
2
|
1071
|
|
|
|
|
Raw Prawn
(Preview)
I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn ****tail. I looked round and this bloke shouts "That's just for starters!"
|
fwdoz
|
1
|
850
|
|
|
|
|
Grandpa.
(Preview)
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole. The grandfather replies, I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little h...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
984
|
|
|
|
|
God vs Satan
(Preview)
In the beginning, God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, combined with an abundance of green, yellow and red vegetables. He did this so that Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.Then, using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Whip and Ice Cream. And Satan sa...
|
fwdoz
|
4
|
1082
|
|
|
|
|
Heart Condition
(Preview)
One day Nick's wife asked him "What will he do if she were to die". Nick replied "I'll also die". She asked him "Why?" Nick replied "Well, you know I have a heart condition and most likely I would not be able to tolerate that much happiness".
|
fwdoz
|
2
|
845
|
|
|
|
|
Golf
(Preview)
Three guys are golfing with the club pro. First guy tees off and hits a dribbler about 60 yards. He turns to the pro and says "What did I do wrong?" The pro says "Loft".The next guy tees off and hits a duck hook into the woods. He asks the pro "What did I do wrong?" The pro says "Loft".The third guy tees off and...
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
785
|
|
|
|
|
Wedding
(Preview)
At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. It was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace. The moment of utter silence was broken by a beautiful, young, blonde woman carrying a child. She started walking slowly t...
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
738
|
|
|
|
|
"Poultry Farmer"
(Preview)
Yep ! A Prostitute's Tax Return... A woman walks into a Kalgoorlie accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." He gets her name, address etc. And then asks, "What's your occupation?" "I'm a pr...
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
758
|
|
|
|
|
New Boots
(Preview)
A lady went into a bar in Waco, TX and saw a cowboy with his feet propped upon a table.He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen.The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with bigfeet being well endowed.The cowboy grinned and said, 'Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come onout to...
|
Paintar
|
1
|
826
|
|
|
|
|
Weight loss program
(Preview)
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.. She introduces herself as a representative...
|
Paintar
|
1
|
774
|
|
|
|
|
North Carolina Patrolman.
(Preview)
Billy Graham was returning home after a speaking engagement. When his plane arrived at the airport, there was a long black limousine to transport him. Just as he was about to get in the back of the limo, he stopped. He whispered to the driver who was holding the door open for him. You know he said, I am 87 ye...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
721
|
|
|
|
|
Sergeants.
(Preview)
Jon and Matt have been promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Jon says, Hey, Matt, there's the Officers Club. Let's you and me stop in. But we're privates, protests Matt. We're sergeants now, says Jon, pulling him inside. Now, Matt, I'm gonna sit down and ha...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
924
|
|
|
|
|
Quickies.
(Preview)
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
|
Possum3
|
0
|
1121
|
|
|
|
|
How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?
(Preview)
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morni...
|
Possum3
|
2
|
891
|
|
|
|
|
Old Woman Prospector
(Preview)
AN OLD WOMAN WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST. AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER. THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, "HEY OL...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
836
|
|
|
|
|
Bath tub test...
(Preview)
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
759
|
|
|
|
|
Dear Lord
(Preview)
A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, Australia, they decided to send it to the Prime Minister. The Prime Minister was...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
665
|
|
|
|
|
Tequilla shots.
(Preview)
Warren goes into a pub and seats himself on a stool. The barman looks at him and says, Whatll it be mate? Warren says, Set me up with eight tequila shots and make them doubles. The barman does this and watches the guy slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all eight are gone almost as quic...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
804
|
|
|
|
|
Hot Dog
(Preview)
Two drunks realize that they are sobering up and only have $1.25 between them. So, they buy a hot dog from a hot dog stand and go into the next bar. They do shot after shot until the bartender demands that they pay up. The drunk with the hot dog opens his zipper and puts it through the opening. The other drun...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
708
|
|
|
