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Stutter
(Preview)
A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"Again, th...
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fwdoz
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0
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841
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Ransacked house
(Preview)
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarised. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the h...
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fwdoz
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0
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697
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Newlyweds
(Preview)
The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asks. "Sweetheart" she sobs "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out the oven to season it, and the phone ra...
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fwdoz
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0
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743
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Those special pills
(Preview)
I am writing for a good friend of mine. His wife told him to go out and obtain some of those pills that would help him get an erection. When he came back, he handed her diet pills. Anyway, he's looking for a place to live.
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fwdoz
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0
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641
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Anthropology
(Preview)
A couple of anthropologists fly to the South Sea islands to study the locals. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later one of them takes a canoe over to the other island to see how his colleague his doing. When he gets there, he finds the other anthropologist standing among a grou...
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Possum3
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0
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543
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A different Johny story.....
(Preview)
A young man, CALLED jOHNNY, was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night ?""Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you s...
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aussie_paul
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5
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1334
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Hearing
(Preview)
An old bloke went to the doctor and complained that he had a hearing problem. The doctor said "Tell me about your symptoms "The old bloke said; "Well Homer is a fat guy and Marge has got blue hair".
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Possum3
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2
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793
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Something for the pup .
(Preview)
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Aus-Kiwi
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0
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771
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Lost
(Preview)
John and Sonya are flying to Australia for a two week holiday to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the speaker the captain announces, "Ladies and gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I...
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Possum3
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1
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725
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A bloke from the bush walked into a Sydney antique shop.
(Preview)
A bloke from the bush walked into a Sydney antique shop. After looking around for a while, he noticed a very life-like bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking that he decided to buy it anyway. He took it to the owner and said: 'How much is this bronze rat?' The owner replied: 'It's $...
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aussie_paul
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1
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881
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Funerals
(Preview)
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered with flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor behind the beautiful heart forever. At that point on...
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Possum3
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1
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832
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Retired Sailor
(Preview)
A retired sailor puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old times sake. He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing?' The prostitute replies, 'Well, ol...
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Paintar
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1
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831
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Starts with "F" and ends with "K"
(Preview)
Let's see who has a clean mind here.Starts with F and ends with K A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?' Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she...
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Dave1952
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3
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1014
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I think you will all sing along with this one. I did!
(Preview)
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack."Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's ok...
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MOLLUSCAN
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1
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771
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Visiting Granny.
(Preview)
A grandmother is giving directions to her adult grandson who is coming to visit. You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elb...
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Possum3
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0
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806
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What time does the store open?
(Preview)
The manager of a liquor store gets a midnight phone call at home: "Hello!" "At what time does the store open?" "At ten o'clock sir". At two in the morning, the phone rings again: "HELLO!" "Ya (burp), at what time does, euh, the store open?" "AT TEN IN THE MORNING, sir". Again, at four, the phone rings: "H!...
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fwdoz
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1
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710
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Nursing Home h
(Preview)
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?" "Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use...
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oldbloke
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1
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808
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The Dying Priest
(Preview)
The Dying Priest In Canberra an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near. "Yes, Father?" said the nurse. "I would really like to see Prime Minister and the Treasurer before I die", whispered the pr...
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Dave1952
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0
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579
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Golfer
(Preview)
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes."Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt," the golfer mumbles to himself.Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, "Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?"Thinking the man is craz...
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oldbloke
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1
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692
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Gym membership.
(Preview)
I just joined a Gym and signed up for a fitness class, They told me to wear loose fitting clothing. If I had loose fitting clothing I wouldn't have joined the Gym.
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Possum3
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0
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745
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