|
An Australian ventriloquist visits NZ.
(Preview)
An Australian ventriloquist visits NZ. An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a Small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Kiwi 'G'day, mind if I talk to your dog...
|
Blues Man
|
0
|
860
|
|
|
|
|
Snail mail
(Preview)
This morning, around 7:00 AM, I went for my stroll around the marina. I noticed a man with a long blade knife running down the dock towards me, dressed in Islamic clothing who shouted "Allah be praised!" and "Death to all Infidels!," when suddenly he tripped and fell into the water. He was st...
|
Bobdown
|
1
|
972
|
|
|
|
|
One liners
(Preview)
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it ! Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for some action!" I've sent her my ironing. The wife's been hinting she wants something black and l...
|
Bobdown
|
0
|
732
|
|
|
|
|
The Psychiatrist and the Proctologist
(Preview)
The Psychiatrist and the Proctologist Two best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel. Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist...
|
Bobdown
|
0
|
720
|
|
|
|
|
Racist
(Preview)
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days. A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Guinness?" The shop assistant asks, "Are you Irish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something, If I had asked for Italian sausage, woul...
|
Bobdown
|
0
|
980
|
|
|
|
|
Love em or hate em
(Preview)
Eddie McGuire flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play Aussie Rules and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Collingwood. He's signed to a one-year contract and the kid joins the team for the pre-season. Two weeks later the Magpies are down by 6 goals to Carlton with only 10 m...
|
Bobdown
|
0
|
673
|
|
|
|
|
Exorcism
(Preview)
I had to take out a loan to pay for my exorcism. Now I'm afraid if I miss a payment, I'll be repossessed
|
fwdoz
|
1
|
1053
|
|
|
|
|
Psychology
(Preview)
A man was enjoying a holiday a small country town. He decided to go out one night for a drink at the local pub. As soon as he walked in, he noticed a beautiful woman. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally approached the woman. He asked tentatively: "Um, would you mind if a chatted to you for a wh...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
881
|
|
|
|
|
Useful chap.
(Preview)
Most popular man in the nudist colony,
He can carry 2 cups of coffee & 6 donuts.
|
Joda
|
0
|
875
|
|
|
|
|
Crap Joke
(Preview)
A dung beetle walked into a bar and asked, "Is this stool free"
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
1019
|
|
|
|
|
An SUV for your birthday?
(Preview)
Two old guys talking: "My 75th birthday yesterday. Wife gave me an SUV" "Wow, that's amazing! Imagine, an SUV! What a great gift!" "Yup. Socks, Underwear and Viagra!"
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
644
|
|
|
|
|
Irish Jokes
(Preview)
Two Irishmen were waiting at the bus stop when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of turf. Jimmy said, Im gonna do dat when I win da lottery. What's dat den? asks Mikey. Send me lawn away to be mowed." ---------------------------------------- Somewhere in Ireland, a teacher asks her class: "Can a...
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
1022
|
|
|
|
|
Lost?
(Preview)
A husband and wife are flying to Australia for a two week holiday to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. Suddenly, the captain announces: "Ladies and gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. "Luckily, I see...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
855
|
|
|
|
|
A new wine has arrived for the oldies
(Preview)
There is a new wine on the market. When you drink it you don't have to get up during the night to go to the bathroom. It's called Pinot More.
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
851
|
|
|
|
|
Fast Seagull
(Preview)
An elderly couple were taking a stroll when a seagull flies over & relieves itself on the old lady's head. "Yuk" she said, "Quick, get me some toilet tissue'. "What for?" asks the man, "he must be half a mile away by now!"
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
629
|
|
|
|
|
Some more I like....
(Preview)
|
Goldfinger
|
0
|
859
|
|
|
|
|
Wise Doctor
(Preview)
An 80-year-old man is having his annual check up and the doctor asks him how hes feeling. Ive never been better! he replies. Ive got an 18-year-old bride whos pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that? The doctor considers this for a moment, then says: Well, let me tell you a story. I know...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
691
|
|
|
|
|
Catholic or not you have to laugh at this one.
(Preview)
A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf. The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said "s**t, I missed." The good Sister told him to watch his language. On his next swing, he missed again. "s**t, I m...
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
845
|
|
|
|
|
Look like my wife.
(Preview)
A drunk walked into the local pub and, after staring at the only woman seated at the bar for some time, he walked over to her and kissed her. She immediately jumped out of her seat and slapped him silly. Im sorry, he said. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her. Why you worthless, insufferabl...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
1047
|
|
|
|
|
Jeep owners do it better
(Preview)
|
Woody n Sue
|
0
|
1029
|
|
|
