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Friday funnies
(Preview)
I went to the bottlo Monday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Jim Beam and put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the Jim Beam before I cycled home. It turned out to be a very good decision, becaus...
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fwdoz
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2
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624
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Pretty much sums it up . Still no employment
(Preview)
Well theres packing the shelves at Woolies . A job is a job !!
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Aus-Kiwi
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2
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577
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The banjo player
(Preview)
A banjo player and his wife were awoken at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud knocking on the door. The banjo player got up, went to the door and found a ukulele player standing in the pouring rain. "I need a push", said the ukulele player. "Not a chance", said the banjo player, "it's 3 o'clock in the morning...
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rgren2
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1
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847
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Letter to dad.
(Preview)
A father is passing by his sons bedroom one day and is amazed to see the bed nicely made and everything clean. To his surprise, he notices an envelope sitting on his sons desk. The letter was addressed to the father. Scared, he decided to read it, thinking the worst had happened to his son. Dear Dad, It is w...
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Possum3
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0
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707
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Karen...
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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1
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1057
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A Sincere Forum Xmas Message....warning: that 'word' is used..however with much aplomb.....
(Preview)
https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/stronglang.wordpress.com/2016/12/18/a-sweary-seasonal-suggestion/amp/
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Goldfinger
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1
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780
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I made a snowman.
(Preview)
I Made A SnowmanIt snowed last night. 8:00 am - I made a snowman 8:10 am - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman. 8:15 am - So, I made a snow woman. 8:17 am - My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere. 8:2...
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Paintar
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2
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721
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Golden Oldies..always good for a laugh...or indeed a cry!.....
(Preview)
Always good for a laugh...or a cry!...for some of us....
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Goldfinger
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12
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1009
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Warning:..Crude, Rude, and Undesirable...but I laughed..am I bad?..
(Preview)
..Story of my Life really.....hope I have not been too risque' with these...I deleted many....Hoo Roo
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Goldfinger
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1
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971
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David Thorne 10: Roz hates David; and anything Adelaide
(Preview)
Roz Knorr loves Adelaide, has homes in countries all over the planet and owns a private plain.I could not locate an actual photograph of Roz but the one I have constructed above by photo shopping an unattractive woman's face onto a chubby man's head is probably pretty much spot on. No such artistic l...
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fwdoz
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5
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1043
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The Pilots
(Preview)
British Airways plane leaves Heathrow Airport under the control of a Jewish captain; his co-pilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seemed to indicate a mutual dislike.Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the...
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rgren2
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0
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631
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Dentist's car...
(Preview)
Aussie Paul. -- Edited by aussie_paul on Sunday 9th of December 2018 11:29:46 AM
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aussie_paul
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748
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Bus trip
(Preview)
A woman gets on a bus, and is disgusted when a little old man stands up. "Patronising old fool", she mutters, as she pushes him back down. A minute later, another woman gets on the bus, and the old man rises to his feet once more. "Male chauvinist pig", seethes the woman, as she pushes him back down again. T...
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rockylizard
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0
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876
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Warning: Do not read these if you are sensitive or easily offended
(Preview)
It's only 18 days to Christmas. I HATE Christmas. Whoever invented it should be crucified. ----------------------- I was walking along minding my own business when all of a sudden, the pavement spontaneously started viciously attacking me. How was I to know it was a psycho path? ----------------...
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fwdoz
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1
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701
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Young Pilot
(Preview)
A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool over the radio. While approaching the runway during his first night time landing tried to make a joke. "Guess who?" he said to the control tower, instead of following the official protocol. The controller switched the runway lights off and replied: "Gue...
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Possum3
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0
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642
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Piano man
(Preview)
A gray-headed old man shuffled into a downtown bar holding his head up high. His hands shook as he took the "Piano Player Wanted" sign from the window and handed it to the bartender."I'd like to apply for the job," he said. I was a Navy F-4 pilot off the USS Coral Sea. I learned to play the piano at Officers'...
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rgren2
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0
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634
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In the future.
(Preview)
Three elderly men are talking about their grandchildren one day. Talk quickly turns to what the men think their grandchildren would be saying about them 50 years from now. I would love my grandchildren to say, He was successful in business, the first man says. The second man thinks for a minute and giv...
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Possum3
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673
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Well now,...this sounds perfectly logical to me....
(Preview)
..I understand there is also a round hole in the Sperm Bank's front door...used as a ...'Night Deposit Box'....Hoo Roo
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Goldfinger
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1
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850
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Badly injured and unconscious
(Preview)
A platoon of soldiers was patrolling north of Fallujah when they came upon an Isis terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an Australian soldier in a similar, but less serious, state. The soldier was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, th...
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Paintar
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0
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913
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David Thorne 9: Gym Membership is how much?
(Preview)
From: Jeff Peters Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 10.22am To: David Thorne Subject: Membership Renewal Dear David This is a friendly reminder to let you know your gym membership expired last week. Your membership is important to us and we would like to take this opportunity to show our appreciation by o...
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fwdoz
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1
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796
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