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Typical.
(Preview)
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16, I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate g...irl with a zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she was a drama queen cried a...
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Possum3
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0
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1910
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Irish weight loss.
(Preview)
An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet: I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for ...2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least two kilos." Said his doctor. When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by h...
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Possum3
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2
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1874
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Jest a few.
(Preview)
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil: One said to the other. "What do you think about all this Satan stuf...f?" The other boy replied. 'Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad." **** Attending a wedding for the first t...
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Possum3
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0
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1752
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|
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Peggy Sue.
(Preview)
Its 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Peggy Sues father answers the door and invites him in. He asks Bobby what theyre planning to do on the date. Bobby politely responds that theyll probably just go to... the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sues father suggests, Why dont you kids...
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Possum3
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0
|
1726
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|
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Bank loan.
(Preview)
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Possum3
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0
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2085
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In Heaven.
(Preview)
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Possum3
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0
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1974
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Old Ladies Mule.
(Preview)
AN OLD WOMAN WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST. AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER S...TEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER. THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, "HE...
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Possum3
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0
|
1688
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Hammer.
(Preview)
The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer." A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!" The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer." The voice in the back of the court...
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Possum3
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0
|
1514
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|
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Missing wife.
(Preview)
Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home... Sergeant at Police Station: ... What is her height? Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall. Sergeant: Weight? Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat. Sergeant: Color of ey...
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Possum3
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0
|
1541
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How old?
(Preview)
Three old Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside the nursing home when an old Grandpa walked by. One of the old Grandmas yelled out, 'Hey, we bet we can tell... exactly how old you are!' The old man said, 'There is no way you can guess my age! One of the Grandmas said, 'Sure we can! Just drop your pants and u...
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Possum3
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0
|
1787
|
|
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Only Fair
(Preview)
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles, looking at many things. After some time passes, the sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he brings a h...
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Possum3
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0
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2014
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The Pastors Wife
(Preview)
Jack goes to his friend Mike and says "I'm sleeping with the pastor's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after the service for me?" The friend doesn't like it but being a friend, he agrees. After the service, he starts talking to the pastor, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep h...
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fwdoz
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0
|
1853
|
|
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Hospital.
(Preview)
A sweet grandmother telephoned St Marys Hospital. She timidly asked. "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator ...said. "Ill be glad to help, dear. Whats the name and room number of the patient?" The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said. "Martha...
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Possum3
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0
|
1479
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|
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Chicken or the egg.
(Preview)
Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, You died in your sleep, Bob. Bob was stunned, Im dead? No, I cant be! Ive got too much to live for. Send me back! St. Peter said, Im sorry, but theres only...
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Possum3
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0
|
1911
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Chicken & Horse
(Preview)
On the farm lived a chicken and a horse who loved to play together. One day, the two were playing when the horse fell into some quicksand and began to sink. Scared for is life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help. Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he sear...
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Possum3
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0
|
1728
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|
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Golf Panties.
(Preview)
The Swede's wife stepped up to the tee and, as she bent over to place her ball, a gust of wind blew her skirt up and revealed her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?", Ole demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any," she replied. The Sw...
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Possum3
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0
|
1460
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|
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Surgeon Son.
(Preview)
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anaesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. Yes, Dad, what is it? the son asked. Dont be nervous, son, the father smiled. Do your best and just r...
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Possum3
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0
|
1450
|
|
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Some great comebacks
(Preview)
In an interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America. His answer was classic Schwarzkopf. The General said, "I believe that forgiving the...
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Giggleswick
|
0
|
1430
|
|
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Priest and the Bookie.
(Preview)
A Jewish bookie was at the races playing the ponies and losing his shirt. He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, ... that horse - a long shot - won the race. Next race, as the horses lined up, the Priest stepped onto...
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Possum3
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0
|
1301
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|
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Art.
(Preview)
At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery rea...
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Possum3
|
0
|
1234
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