|
Princess.
(Preview)
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane sh...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
689
|
|
|
|
|
Talking dog
(Preview)
A guy sees a sign in front of a house that says: Talking Dog for Sale. He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there. You talk? he asks. Yep, the mutt replies. So, whats your story? The mutt looks up and says: Well, I d...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
599
|
|
|
|
|
Beware of Dog!
(Preview)
Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign posted on the glass door that read: DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register. He asked the store manager: Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of? Yep, that...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
727
|
|
|
|
|
Blind cowboy.
(Preview)
An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of whiskey. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender: Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke? The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
587
|
|
|
|
|
The Crusade.
(Preview)
All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades. One knight told his best friend: My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to us...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
748
|
|
|
|
|
Large portfolio.
(Preview)
An elderly gentleman was on his deathbed as his wife, three children and nurse stood close by. He said to them: Bill, you take the two mansions on 2nd street. Mary, you take the offices in the business centre. Debra, the apartments downtown are yours. To my dear wife, take all the residential buildings...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
732
|
|
|
|
|
Blonde Cook Book
(Preview)
Monday It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.... Tuesday Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a f...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
750
|
|
|
|
|
Today's jokes
(Preview)
|
Bobdown
|
0
|
892
|
|
|
|
|
Paddy again.
(Preview)
Paddy staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Mick. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife. He tiptoed as quietly as he ...could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, h...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
797
|
|
|
|
|
Facts?
(Preview)
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour (D...
|
Possum3
|
5
|
1596
|
|
|
|
|
Med Students.
(Preview)
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly. One student said to his friend: Im sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that. The other student says: No, I dont thin...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
1042
|
|
|
|
|
Snow White
(Preview)
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs were roaming in the forest when they came across a lake. The water was enticing and Snow-White decided to take a bath. So she to...ld the Dwarfs to turn around while she prepared to take the bath: The Dwarfs protested vehemently and then Snow-White relented and said. "Af...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
869
|
|
|
|
|
Need a loan.
(Preview)
A woman walks into a bank in Sydney and asks for the loan officer. She says shes going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells her that the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce thats parked on t...
|
Possum3
|
2
|
1046
|
|
|
|
|
a bad day
(Preview)
|
Craig1
|
0
|
870
|
|
|
|
|
God gives Adam a task
(Preview)
God says to Adam "I have something for you to do". Adam said "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?" God said "Go down into that valley". Adam said "What's a valley?" God explained it to him. Then God said "Cross the River". Adam said "What's a river?" God explained that to him, and then said "Go over to th...
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
895
|
|
|
|
|
Fishing is important
(Preview)
Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing. The other guy says, "Th...
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
690
|
|
|
|
|
Stutter.
(Preview)
|
Possum3
|
0
|
872
|
|
|
|
|
Pet Monkey
(Preview)
A guy walked into a bar with a monkey. The monkey grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them. Then he grabbed some sliced limes and ate them. He then jumped onto the pool table and grabbed one of the balls. To everyone's amazement, he stuck it in his mouth and somehow swallowed it whole. The bartender loo...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
1012
|
|
|
|
|
New Porsche
(Preview)
A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye. It announced, $50 Brand New Porsche! The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $50, but he decided it was worth a shot. He went to the address listed on the ad and was met by a woman in the driveway. She happily led him into the garage and...
|
Possum3
|
2
|
1271
|
|
|
|
|
Hallelujah
(Preview)
So I woke up , My dog is laying on the back patio covered in dirt with a rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit's not bloody, just dirty. My neighbor's kids raise blue ribbon rabbits. I instantly knew it was one of theirs. So I took the rabbit away from my dog, rushed inside, and washed all the dirt off it before my ne...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
990
|
|
|
