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How to tell the time !
(Preview)
Two old army mates got together for a drink on Anzac Day. By closing time they were very drunk, but still went back to Larry's place for a few more beers. It was very late when Bill wondered what time it was and couldn't find a clock anywhere. "Hey Larry, you don't have a clock, mate. How do you tell the time?...
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Bobdown
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0
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657
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Survey
(Preview)
A market research company was employed by a plumbing company to find out which way people faced in the bath.Was it with their feet towards the taps or their back to the taps? They interviewed 2000 people, and 1999 said they sat with their feet towards the taps, and only one person sat with their back tow...
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Bobdown
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0
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877
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more Irish
(Preview)
Subject: FW: A farmer named Paddy - WHAT AN IRISHMAN. A farmer named Paddy had a car accident He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company. In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy. 'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked t...
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Craig1
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0
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801
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Beware...
(Preview)
* Beware ** I ordered Chinese from a local place (won't name them) went to pick it up and as I was driving home, heard the bags rustling and moving!!!I thought what on earth is that? Has something gotten into the bag? I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out.I was driving so pulled over, I lea...
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aussie_paul
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1
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921
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Beware...
(Preview)
Oopsl must have clicked twice. Aussie Paul. -- Edited by aussie_paul on Thursday 7th of January 2021 03:41:16 PM
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aussie_paul
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0
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883
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This is where the loo rolls went
(Preview)
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Tony Bev
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3
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684
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Tail light
(Preview)
A Cop pulled over a car on the freeway. 'Get out of the car and step to the rear of the vehicle, please sir' said the Cop. 'Sir, your rear tail light is out' said the copper. "Oh my God, this is terrible" screamed the driver, "Oh Lord, what am I going to do?" "Settle down Sir, it's only a tail light" said the Cop...
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Bobdown
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1
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1006
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Fiance's sister.
(Preview)
I was happy, My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.My prospect...
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Possum3
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2
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752
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Wisdom of Solomon.
(Preview)
There were two women in a bus, fighting over who would take the last seat. The Conductor had tried in vain to mediate. The the Driver yelled "Let the ugly one take the seat". Both women stood for the rest of their journey.
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Possum3
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0
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650
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Nurse
(Preview)
"Of course I won't laugh, I'm a professional said the nurseIn over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.""Okay then," Fred said and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest man thingy the nurse had ever seen.Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than an AAA battery.Una...
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Possum3
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0
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749
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Creation.
(Preview)
A fifth grader asked her mother the age-old question,'How did I get here?'Her mother told her, 'God sent you.'Did God send you, too?' asked the child.'Yes, Dear,' the mother replied.What about Grandma and Grandpa?' the child persisted'He sent them also,' the mother said.'Did he send their parent...
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Possum3
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0
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635
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Pick up.
(Preview)
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Possum3
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0
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609
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On the train.
(Preview)
A young technician and his general manager board a train headed through the mountains.They cant find a place to sit except for two seats across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.After a while, its obvious the young woman and the young tech are interested in each other, because they are g...
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Possum3
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2
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724
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GOTTA LUV PADDY.
(Preview)
Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish."I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet". Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat.It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".Paddy spends the next 2 hours t...
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Possum3
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0
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648
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Les Patterson
(Preview)
Not politically correct but still funny, Cheers Bob
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Bobdown
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3
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954
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Sex.
(Preview)
Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call my dog "Sex".Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to get his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "Id like to have one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said I didn't care what she looked like...
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Possum3
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0
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830
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Postman.
(Preview)
One Monday morning a postman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway.His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles."Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell o...
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Possum3
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0
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762
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2021 wish.
(Preview)
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Possum3
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0
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973
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Paddy and Mick
(Preview)
Paddy was walking down the road with a sack over his shoulder when he met Mick. 'What's in the sack, Paddy? 'Chickens' said Paddy. 'How many chickens? Paddy' said Mick. "if you can guess, I'll give you the both of them' said Paddy. 'Three' said Mick. An oldie but goodie Cheers Bob -- Edited by Bobdo...
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Bobdown
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0
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603
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At the Doctors
(Preview)
An old fella went to the doctor. He said he felt terrible and that he was scared he might die. The doctor examined him and told him to stop smoking, stop drinking and stop chasing women. 'Will that make me live longer? asked the old bloke. The doctor said 'No, but it will seem like it'
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Bobdown
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0
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656
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