A FEW QUIPS

Gundog · Guru

A FEW QUIPS

rgren2 · Guru

Gundog wrote:
How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other side.

I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

"I have a split personality," said Tom, being Frank.

I renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says The Titanic is syncing.

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it

When life gives you melons, you're dyslexic

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally

Whats the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter

Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, Whats your favourite kind of music? The other says, Im a big metal fan.

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? Theres no menu - you get what you deserve

I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any

What do you call a bee that cant make up its mind? A maybe

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane

A cross-eyed teacher couldnt control his pupils

She had a photographic memory but never developed it

Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care

I wasnt originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind

Which countrys capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. Every day its Dublin.

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve

Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"

The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize

Need an ark? I Noah guy

I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine

What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus!

-- Edited by Gundog on Friday 8th of July 2022 06:48:58 PM

Any way, for those that cant see the post.

Nah, that didnt work.

-- Edited by rgren2 on Friday 8th of July 2022 10:17:58 PM

dorian · Guru

How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other side.

I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

"I have a split personality," said Tom, being Frank.

I renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says The Titanic is syncing.

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

When life gives you melons, you're dyslexic.

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, What's your favourite kind of music? The other says, I'm a big metal fan.

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There's no menu - you get what you deserve.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any.

What do you call a bee that cant make up its mind? A maybe.

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

A cross-eyed teacher couldn't control his pupils.

She had a photographic memory but never developed it.

Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care.

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

Which country's capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. Every day its Dublin.

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve.

Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"

The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize.

Need an ark? I Noah guy.

I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure.

Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus!

Blues Man · Guru

Some great ones there. biggrin biggrin

Buzz Lightbulb · Guru

LOL

Buzz Lightbulb · Guru

Dorian,

Are those jokes what gundog and rgren2 tried to post or are we in for some more laughs once they get it worked out?

dorian · Guru

Those jokes were submitted by @Gundog. To see this for yourself, r-click a blank area of the page and select "Page Source", or whatever is appropriate for your browser. You will then see the desired text encapsulated within HTML cr@p. I used the Find and Replace feature in Notepad to remove the HTML formatting.

To avoid this problem in future, r-click the composition window and select "Paste as plain text" (or Ctrl-Shift-V), or whatever is appropriate for your browser. This will ensure that any formatting is discarded (eg HTML, fonts, bold type, italics, etc).

To be fair to @Gundog, this forum's software is plagued with problems. In fact I've given up trying to use the quoting feature. I'm also tired of having to correct certain characters, eg tildes, quotation marks, em dash (long hyphen), etc.