An 85-year-old man was asked by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical examination.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.

The next day, the old man reappeared at the doctors office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as it had been on the previous day.

Naturally the doctor inquired as to what happened.

Well doctor, the old man explained, it was like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, still nothing. Then I asked my wife. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, and still nothing. She even tried with her mouth, still nothing.

We even called up Maggie, the lady next door. She tried with both hands, followed by her armpit. She even tried squeezing it between her knees. Still nothing.

Looking shocked, the doctor said, You asked a neighbour?

To which the old man replied, Yes, but none of us could get the lid off the jar.