> > They're back! > > Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with > > typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually > > appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
> > The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. > > -------------------------- > > The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon > > tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' > > -------------------------- > > Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of > > those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. > > > > -------------------------- > > Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at > > someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care > > much about you. > > -------------------------- > > Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. > > -------------------------- > > Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving > > obvious pleasure to the congregation. > > -------------------------- > > For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a > > nursery downstairs. > > -------------------------- > > Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the > > help they can get. > > -------------------------- > > Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the > > church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. > > -------------------------- > > A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. > > Music will follow.. > > -------------------------- > > At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is > > Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. > > -------------------------- > > Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of > > several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. > > -------------------------- > > Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be > > recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. > > -------------------------- > > Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased > > person you want remembered.. > > -------------------------- > > The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment > > and gracious hostility. > > -------------------------- > > Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. > > -------------------------- > > The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They > > may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. > > -------------------------- > > This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across > > from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. > > -------------------------- > > Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All > > ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is > > done. > > -------------------------- > > The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation > > would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next > > Sunday. > > -------------------------- > > Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use > > the back door. > > -------------------------- > > The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the > > Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to > > attend this tragedy. > > -------------------------- > > Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. > > Please use large double door at the side entrance. > > -------------------------- > > The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last > > Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.
