Why are men like lawn mowers?

They are very hard to get started, they make yucky smells and half the time they dont even work.

How are men like a lino floor?

If you are able to lay them correctly the first time, then you are able able to walk all over them for the next twenty five years.

One big difference between men and women is that when women say "smell this", it usually smells nice.

What are the four words which are a sure fire way to demolish a mans ego?

Is it in yet?

How are you able to tell when a man is sexually aroused?

He is breathing.

Whats the difference between men and term deposits?

Term deposits eventually mature.

What is it that makes men chase women which they have no intention of marrying?

The very same urge that makes dogs chase cars which they have no intention of driving.

What do anniversaries, the toilet bowl and the clitoris all have in common?

Men usually miss all of them.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Why is it so hard for men to make eye contact with a woman?

Boobs don't have eyes.