PphPhilosophers Of the 20th Century ... 

~ Jean Kerr... 

The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats. 

~ Prince Philip... 

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. 

~ Harrison Ford... 

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. 

~ Spike Milligan... 

The best cure for Sea Sickness is to sit under a tree. 

~ Jean Rostand... 

Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror. 

~ Arnold Schwarzenegger... 

Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million. 

~ WH Auden... 

We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea. 

~ Johnny Carson... 

If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead. 

~ Jimmy Durante... 

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. 

~ George Roberts.. 

The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone. 

~ Jonathan Winters... 

If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport. 

~ Robert Benchley... 

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it. 

~ John Glenn... 

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. 

~ David Letterman... 

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked. 

~ Howard Hughes... 

I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. Actually, I'm a billionaire. 

~ Old Italian proverb... 

After a game of chess, the King and the pawn go into the same box.