2. Youre not completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example.

3. I broke my finger last week.
On the other hand, Im okay.

4. Someone stole my Microsoft Office and theyre gonna pay.
You have my Word.

5. eBay is so useless.
I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.

6. I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off.

7. My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch, it might be me.

8. Don't spell part backwards.
It's a trap.

9. Our uncle died when we couldn't remember his blood type.
As he died, he kept saying, children "be positive," but life is hard without him.

10. What is the best thing about living in Switzerland?
Well, the flag is a big plus.

11. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?
He was lucky it was a soft drink.

12. How did I escape Iraq?
Iran.

13. To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero.
Thanks for nothing!

14. Son: "Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"
Dad: "No sun."

15. My math teacher called me average.
How mean!

16. Clinic Receptionist: Doctor, there's a patient on line that says he's become invisible".
Doctor: Well, tell him I can't see him right now."