Im The Rapid Response Social Worker Who Replaced The Police
Im not gonna lie, this isnt exactly what I expectedlying here in the hospital. I mean, its only a few broken bones, a punctured lung, and some stitches to the head, but I almost feel betrayed. Three weeks ago when I took the the 5 hour online course to become an unarmed rapid response social worker, I thought I was helping mankind. After all, with the police abolished, somebody had to be there to mitigate when people had inevitable disagreements.
My first mitigation didnt go great. I was called to a scene of a bank robberywhich, there werent suppose to be any bank robberies once the capitalistdriven oppression of the police no longer created crime, but I guess this guy, holding a shot gun didnt get the memo.
Thinking back on my extensive training, I tried to calm things down with a breathing exercise. But he just kept yelling and pointing the gun at me, which again, not suppose to happen. While his desire to rob the bank was understandable, even laudable, we had collectively decided not to support such actions, and resources were available to him. Thats when he hit me on the head with the butt of his gun; I think it was the butt of his gun, anyway. That was just one person, thoughone person who was really rich now.
The next day went remarkably better, I was called to a gang fight that was about to get very heated. No guns, just knives and brass knuckles. I suggested we all sit in a circle and use a feelings chart to determine what had brought us all to this place. I did not, of course, suggest that while I was there for some inherently better or more virtuous purpose, and I think they really got it! They stopped fighting each other to laugh at me and stole my wallet, cell phone, and watch instead. Progress!
It was yesterday, my third day on the job, when things started to get dicey. There were reports of revolutionary redistribution of corporate asserts, which used to be called looting. I consulted my Rapid Respnse Social Worker app, and it advised me to start gently chanting, Hope is the thing with feathers, Dickinson. Its a technique that was developed to deescalate harmful situations with poetry. The rest is a blur. There were a few baseball bats to the legs. A large glass bottle of something sticky, organic maple syrup maybe, was smashed on my head. People were kicking me in the ribs, and I saw a few people fighting over a Ralph Lauren down comforter they were stealing...I mean redistributing. The comforter ripped, there was chaos everywhere and when I woke up in the ambulance, well, I was the thing with feathers,
This morning when I woke up, my supervisor was right there next to my bed. I thought maybe she brought flowers or one of those shiny balloons from the hospital gift gift shop. But actually she had a long complaint form, detaining the ways in which I had failed in my job and failed the collective community. I was still kinda of groggy, I didnt catch it all, but something about failure to recognize what was really going on. Which, I mean, yeah probably.
Im not giving up though. Nobody said this thing would be easy. They also didnt say it would put me in the ICU, but thats beside the point. We are creating a better worldone where police, the real criminals, no longer exists, and more equitable forms of community support for need based compelled law suggestions can thrive. Even on my short time on the job I saw the need, possibly, for those criminals released from prison early might benefit from a class in prison, like my online class, before they are released might be a game change. Same goes for the new no bail folks, maybe just a short 1-2 hour class before they are released back into our communities. The possibilities of good are endless.
Are we there yet? No, but once I get out of the hospital and off my suspension, Ill be right back at work making America a better place.
Stuart Mee.
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Possum; AKA:- Ali El-Aziz Mohamed Gundawiathan
Sent from my imperial66 typewriter using carrier pigeon, message sticks and smoke signals.
