1. A woman had been a prostitute for 4 years and was worried about the "size" of her vagina on her wedding night...
She decided to tell her newly wed husband that she caught it on barbed wire when climbing over a farmer's fence...
After their first consummating tryst, the subject was inevitably broached, and she told her tale...
Smoking a cigarette, he pondered the plausibility of her story and whether she may have "stretched" the truth a little, and laconically asked,
"Sooooo just how far across that paddock were you, before you realized it was caught??.?.....
2. A man had met a stunning blonde lady and after a short courtship asked her to marry him.
She said, " But we don't know anything about each other."
He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along."
So she consented, they were married. and off they went to resort.
One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off his towel, climbed up the 10M diving tower,
and did a perfect two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back proudly and lay down on the towel next to her.
She said "That was absolutely incredible!"
He said, "I used to be an Australian Olympic diving champion.....you see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along."
She got up, jumped into the pool and started doing laps.....after seventy-five laps she climbed out of the pool, lay down next to him and was barely out of breath.
He said "That was absolutely incredible!...were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
"No," she said "I was a prostitute in Mildura, but I worked both sides of the Murray River"....
