-A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.

-What's the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.

-There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that's a little condescending.

-The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large.

-What is Bruce Lee's favourite drink? Wataaaaah!

-The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.

-You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart.

-So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.

-Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives.

-How does NASA organise their company parties? They planet.
 

-What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
 
-Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines everywhere!

-Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a well-known six offender.

-My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he's only got his shelf to blame.

-What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married? Feyoncé.

-Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like banana.

-How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb? Let's go play on our bikes.

-What do you call dangerous precipitation? A rain of terror.

-Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks "How do you drive this thing?"

-Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out man!

-Just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

-I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it's more of a wrap.

-What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

-PMS should just be called ovary-acting.

-Marketing companies should use chromosomes in advertisements because sex cells.

-Pampered cows produce spoiled milk.

-Learn sign language, it's very handy.

-I started a band called 999 Megabytes - we haven't gotten a gig yet.

-What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I don't care.

-Dry erase boards are remarkable.

-Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

-How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

-How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne? The blind try to read your face.