A Pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, Hey, I havent seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.
What do you mean? said the Pirate, I feel fine.
What about the wooden leg? You didnt have that before.
Arr, well, said the Pirate, We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but Im fine now.
The bartender replied, Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?...
The pirate explained, We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook, but Im fine, really.
What about that eye patch?
Arrrr, well said the pirate, One day we were at sea, and a flock of a big fat Albatross flew over. As I looked up, the bastard thing only went and shat in me eye didn't it, Arrrr!
Youre kidding, said the bartender. You couldnt lose an eye just from bird ****
Arr, bejasus lad it was me first day with this feckin hook!