We've been mates a long time....sometimes I agree with their weird sense of humour...sic humor...

1. If I had a Dollar for every girl that found me unattractive....they'd eventually find me attractive..

2. I find it ironic that the colours red, white, and blue stand for our freedom....until they're flashing behind you..

3. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity..

4. I'm great at multi-tasking...I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once..

5. I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves perspicacious...

6. Behind every great man...is a woman rolling her eyes...

7. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground....you'll have trouble putting on your pants..

8. Change is inevitable....except from a vending machine..

9. I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me..

10. Give me ambiguity...or give me something else..

11. Sometimes I wake up grumpy....other times I let her sleep...

12. Women sometimes make fools of men, but most blokes are the do-it-yourself type...

13. A computer once beat me at chess....but it was no match for me at kick boxing..

14. Is it wrong that only one Company makes the game Monopoly?....

15. Money is the root of all wealth...

16. No matter how much you push the envelope....it'll still be stationery....

17. Take my advice....I'm not using it...

18. If you can smile when things go wrong...you have someone in mind to blame.....

19. Doesn't expecting the unexpected, mean that the unexpected is actually expected?....

20. Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home...when you really wish they were...

21. He who laughs last...thinks slowest...

22. My wife got 8 out of 10 on her driver's test...the other two guys managed to jump out of her way....

23. Every time someone comes up with a fool-proof solution....along comes a more talented fool...

A Police Recruit was asked during his Academy Exam;

What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?

He answered; 'Call for back-up immediately....'

Hoo Roo