Barry the Aussie builder was going through a house he had just built, with the woman who owned it. She was telling him what colours to paint each room. They went into the first room and she said, "This room is to be a light blue."

The builder went to the front door and yelled out "Green side up" As he went back she said the next room was to be red.
The builder again went to the front door and called out "Green side up" Once back with her, she said "This one is to be tan."

And again he went to the front door and yelled "Green side up" 

 The lady, very curious, said "I keep telling you different colours but you always yell "Green 

side up". "What do you say that for?"

"Oh, don't you worry about that," said the builder, "I've got a couple of Kiwis

laying turf out front."

 Melbourne  Zoo had acquired a female of a very rare species of gorilla.
Within  a few weeks, the gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to handle.  

Upon examination, the Zoo veterinarian determined the problem.
The  Gorilla was on heat...
To  make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species  available.  
 While reflecting on their problem, the Zoo management noticed Wayne, a young  Kiwi lad responsible for cleaning up after the Elephants. 

Wayne, like most Kiwis, seemed to be possessed with ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.  
So the Zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Wayne was approached with a proposition. 
Would he be willing to have Sex with the gorilla for $500? 
Wayne showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.  
The  following day, Wayne announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions:
 'Fust,'  he said, 'I don't want to have to kuss'er.'
'Sicondly, you must niver niver tullanyone about thus.'
 The Zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what  his third condition was.
 'Wull,'  said Wayne, 'You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500.