The Satnav A new poem by Pam Ayres

I have a little Satnav, It sits there in my car

A Satnav is a driver's friend it tells you where you are.

I have a little Satnav, I've had it all my life

It's better than the normal ones, My Satnav is my wife.

 It gives me full instructions, Especially how to drive

"It's sixty miles an hour", it says, "You're doing sixty five".

 It tells me when to stop and start, And when to use the brake

And tells me that it's never ever, Safe to overtake.

 It tells me when a light is red, And when it goes to green

It seems to know instinctively, Just when to intervene.

 It lists the vehicles just in front, And all those to the rear

And taking this into account, It specifies my gear.

 I'm sure no other driver, Has so helpful a device

For when we leave and lock the car, It still gives its advice.

 It fills me up with counselling, Each journey's pretty fraught

So why don't I exchange it, And get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, Makes sure I'm properly fed

It washes all my shirts and things, And keeps me warm in bed!

Despite all these advantages, And my tendency to scoff,

I only wish that now and then, I could turn the bugger off.