A man who, for years, drank too much, eventually had a confrontational discussion with his wife who said to him ?I?ve had enough of this. If you come home drunk one more time I?m leaving you?.

A few days later he found himself the worse for drink (again) in his local pub. Retuning to the bar having visited the toilets where he managed to be sick all down the front of his shirt, he turns to his drinking mate and says ?I?m in trouble now, my wife said she would leave me if I went home drunk again.?
?Don?t worry" says his mate, "this is what you do. Go home with a $20 note in your top pocket and say to your wife that another man was sick all down your shirt and gave you $20 for the dry cleaning bill?. ?Brilliant idea?, says the man ?I?m off home now?.
Sure enough he gets home and tells the story to his wife, pointing to the $20 note sticking out of his top pocket. ?That?s all very well? says his wife, ?but why have you also got a $20 note in your hand?? 
The man replies ?ah, that was given to me by the bloke who shat in my pants?.