1,  I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older....Then it dawned on me

They were cramming for their finals..

2. My brother tell me he wants a real fun funeral, so the invite is going to say "Hawaiian themed"

But he's only going to send that invite to one guest....

3. The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

4..Always leave them wanting more, my Uncle used to say that to me

Which is why he lost his job in Disaster Relief...

5. I was talking to a Lass in the Pub last night. She said.

"If you lost a few Kilos, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right".

I said "If I did that, I'd be talking to your younger friends over there instead of you."

6.I got caught taking a leak in our local swimming pool today.

The Lifeguard yelled at me so loud, I nearly fell in......

7.I was telling a Lass in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.

"Really", she said, "Go on then ...try"

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born"?

I said "yesterday"....

8.The easiest way to find something lost around your house is to buy a replacement..

9.I went to the Pub last night and saw a rather well built young Heifer dancing on a table. I said, "Great Legs"

She giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so"?

I said, "definitely..Most tables would have collapsed by now".....

Her friend looked at my belly and sarcastically said "so is that Corona or XXXX'?

I said, "There's a tap underneath taste it and find out".....

10. Some people try to turn back their "odometers"..Not me I want people to know 'why' I look this way.

I've travelled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.......

.have you noticed we eventually get to the stage when we stop lying about our age, and start bragging about it?......

You know when you're getting old when everything either dries up or leaks!.

Being young may be beautiful but being old is 'Comfortable'.....

I'll drink to that...Hoo Roo

10.