I don't know whether these are true or not but they are good for a chuckle.

A few actual conversations between air traffic controllers and pilots:

Tower: TWA 2341, for noise abatement, turn right, 45 degrees.

Pilot: Center, we're at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?

Tower: Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?

(After a DC-10 came in fast, with a very long roll-out.)

Tower: American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe runway, exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights, and return to the airport.

Tower: Eastern 702, clered for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7.

Pilot: Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.

Tower: Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?

Pilot: Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern. We've already notified our caterers.