As I stood in line at Centrelink thinking up reasons why I couldnt work a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils.

It was a mixture of weed, sweat and Lynx Africa. I turned and there he was, Dwayne, with his pants half way down his arse, our eyes met and even though he only had one tattoo I yearned for him to fill the lonely hours between Dr Phil & Days of our lives.

As he approached me with his pasty white arms hanging out of a Nike vest, his smile told me it was dole day and I knew my velour track suit would be hanging off the lampshade tonight.

But we couldnt wait for the night....oh my...he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind Woolies. He had already tied his staffy to a post in the alleyway so that we would not be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it did not bother us, just added to the mystery.

I knew then that this was love and my life would never be the same again. I made a promise to him there and then that I would buy him a plasma with the baby bonus.