Shortly  after a  British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude,  the  captain announced:

'Ladies  and Gentlemen,  this is  your Captain.  Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop  from   London Heathrow  to  Toronto . The weather ahead is good, so we should have a   smooth uneventful flight. So sit back, relax  and.....   OH, MY  GOD!'

Silence  followed!

Some moments  later the captain came  back on the intercom.

'Ladies and  gentlemen, I'm sorry if I  scared you . While   I  was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally  spilled  a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the  front of my  pants!'

One Irish  passenger  yelled... 

'For  f*#k's sake  ........ you  should  see the  back of  mine!!!'